How Do You Take Correction?

One aspect of love is tolerance. For that reason, a cherished friendship does not dissolve because of a disagreement or hurt feelings. A child may misbehave but parents do not kick the child out of the house. When someone we care about makes a mistake or offends us, we do not end the relationship. Rather, we show tolerance.

Even when tolerance is shown, we may address the mistake or offense. A parent applies correction to a misbehaving child. A good friend will point out a wrong. When you think about it, correction is also an act of love. Both tolerance and correction preserve relationships.

All of us have experienced cases in which we desired tolerance for a shortcoming. At the same time, we have all experienced the need for correction. One of the most important lessons in life is learning how to take correction.

Most people desire correction when they engage in something of great importance. Correction ensures success. However, there is a natural human tendency to reject correction. That may be for the simple reason that correction suggests that I am wrong or inferior in some way.

Some people attempt to justify their wrong. That means that they present an explanation to show that the wrong was actually right. A good example of this is the explanation given by King Saul in 1 Samuel 15. He explained that he had obeyed God when he had only partially obeyed.

Rationalization is another common response to correction. It is an explanation of why a person had to commit the wrong and should not be held accountable. They are indeed wrong, but it wasn’t their fault. Adam and Eve rationalized their sin in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3). They each explained that someone else was responsible for their wrong. Rationalization is also used to explain why “I had no choice” and was forced to do wrong.

Some people simply reject correction as if they are untouchable. This might be seen when someone thinks that their position of authority makes them exempt from correction, such as a king, politician, CEO, parent, etc. The threat of power is used to intimidate anyone who would dare to correct.

Another strategy for dealing with correction is an outburst of anger. The anger deflects the correction making it uncomfortable for the person who is bold enough to challenge. Milder ways of deflecting correction may be open denial of wrong or the silent treatment. Whether by anger, denial or silence, the issue is simply dropped and never addressed.

In great contrast to all these is accepting correction. It requires a measure of humility and a genuine desire to mature and improve. The person who accepts correction takes responsibility for his/her actions.

The way you react to correction tells a great deal about how you regard God. As our spiritual father God disciplines us. No person believes that he/she is truly flawless. So, we all know that correction is reasonable and necessary at times. God disciplines us because He loves us. Discipline, whether simple correction or something stronger is carried out so that we can “share His holiness.” In addition, it produces in us “the peaceful fruit of righteousness.” (Hebrews 12:4-11)

For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light;

And reproofs for discipline are the way of life.

—Proverbs 6:23

The way you have responded to correction from parents, teachers, friends, coworkers, bosses, etc. will likely also reflect your attitude toward God.

Mark Stinnett

November 16, 2025

It’s Not Fathers’ Day (But You’re Still the Dad) (Pt. 4)

Part 4: Teaching Moments

God assigned the primary role of leadership and discipline in the home to fathers. Of course, mothers are not excluded; they are just not given the primary responsibility. God’s expectation is for parents to teach their children about God and to train them according to God’s word.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

--Ephesians 6:4

The purpose of all instruction and discipline is to instill useful principles in the minds and hearts of our children for good living. More specifically, our goal as parents should be to instill within our children a sense of reverence for God for a lifetime of devotion to Him in preparation for Christ’s return.

What can a Christian parent do to carry out this instruction??

While some families may choose to have periodic organized times for devotional or Bible study, we must all take advantage of the daily opportunities that arise. The following are just a few examples of unforced, natural teaching moments.

When fixing the car, you may have an opportunity to mention federal and state regulations which you may not like, but that you follow because you honor the laws of the land as Scripture teaches.

When teaching your daughter how to manage her finances you might take the opportunity to say something about God’s blessings and the value of honoring Him in a weekly contribution or by financially assisting someone in need. Instill the value of generosity, an attribute of God.

In the evening while on a fishing outing you might pause to enjoy the sunset and draw attention to the majesty of God’s creation.

After hosting friends for an evening in your home you might say something about how God values fellowship and hospitality.

After an exhaustive, yet ultimately successful search for an important lost item, you might be able to impress upon the heart of your child God undying love and compassion for lost souls. Consider also what might be taught when that valuable item is never found!

When your children observe poor behavior in other children, you might be able to teach something about the value of discipline.

When finances are tight and you cannot participate in a desired activity, you might teach something about financial responsibility or contentment.

After experiencing disappointment, you might teach something about the nature of our broken world and the enduring hope of everlasting life with God.

After having applied effective discipline, you have an opportunity to reinforce your love for your child, in spite of the wrong that was done. You may also be able to teach about God’s mercy and forgiveness.

If we intend to discipline and instruct our children in the Lord, we must have the instruction of God in our heart. So, we must be people who use God’s word to govern our lives. In addition, we must be constantly aware of teaching opportunities. Then, when those situations arise, we must take advantage of the opportunity for the benefit of our children.

And finally, if we are to discipline and instruct our children in the Lord, we must ensure that the things being taught are already being demonstrated in our own lives. Our lives as parents should punctuate and reinforce our instruction.

Mark Stinnett

May 25, 2025

It’s Not Fathers’ Day (But You’re Still the Dad) (Pt. 2)

Part 2: Disciplinarian

Who was the primary disciplinarian in your home when growing up? Parents, who is the primary disciplinarian in your home now? Would it surprise you to learn that the Bible designates the father as the primary disciplinarian in the home?

The Apostle Paul echoes many teachings from the book of Proverbs in a short admonition to fathers:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. 

--Ephesians 6:4

It would be erroneous to take this verse out of context and reason that mothers are not responsible for discipline or instruction. Yet, the simple truth is that the primary responsibility falls to fathers.

Some fathers might be tempted to delegate disciplinary responsibility to the mother. It is wise to remember that head, or leader, is not the same as dictator. A man must never simply hand off his responsibility as father. Translation: Man Up! Don’t wimp out on your God-given role as dad.

Discipline and instruction are separate ideas but related. Discipline is more about actions while instruction has more to do with the mind and attitude. Instruction promotes self-discipline. Yet, when simple instruction fails, a parent must take the next step: correction. In general, correction is verbal, a reminder of past instruction. It may also come with a warning of future consequences if instruction is not followed.

While instruction and correction are more verbal, there is also the need for training. Training is a positive form of discipline that involves verbal instruction and demonstration, as well as application on the part of the child. Training involves telling them, showing them, and then letting them try. Additional instruction and correction, along with parental patience, are important for successful training.

Discipline is necessary when a child demonstrates a poor attitude at some level of instruction. It is best thought of as a part of instruction and training, not punishment. Discipline has a positive goal of changing a child's attitude and behavior. It may call for extreme measures which include corporal punishment, i.e. spanking or other physical consequences. It should not be assumed that this is the first discipline option in all cases, nor is it always the most appropriate.

Fathers, you set the tone for discipline and instruction in your home. You must communicate with your wife about the discipline and instruction of your children. While your wife is deeply involved with the children, you lead the way. You provide direction in the values and behaviors that are important for your children.

Do not abandon your wife and place the burden of discipline solely (or mostly) on her shoulders. There ARE times when it is appropriate for your wife to be able to say to a child, “Wait until your father gets home!” It is your job to rescue your wife when she is exasperated with the children. You must deal with the most difficult situations. You are the one to make the hard decisions. God has given this responsibility to YOU, the dad.

Intimidating? Perhaps. Yet, the book of Proverbs is a tremendous resource for learning to be a good father and disciplinarian. Treat it like an instruction manual. If you haven’t read it lately, start TODAY!

Mark Stinnett

May 11, 2025

It's Not Fathers' Day (But You're Still the Dad) (Pt. 1)

Part 1: Head of the Home

The husband is expected to be the ‘head of the home.’ This responsibility goes back to the Garden of Eden and has been echoed in the New Testament. (1 Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:22). Of special interest to fathers are the following verses:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. 

--Ephesians 6:4

Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart. 

--Colossians 3:21

To provoke someone to anger is to be the cause of the anger. You have done something or said something or you have NOT done or said something that causes another person to become angry.

The word exasperate is the idea of making someone so exhausted through your actions or speech that they simply want to give up and get away. Exasperation affects one physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Both scriptures are written in a negative tone, more like a prohibition: Don’t do this! So, what are some specific things that should be avoided?

Paul does not enumerate, yet by applying the Golden Rule you might ask, “What kinds of things would provoke me to anger or exasperate me?” The following is a general list that might help you get started.

A father can exasperate his children…

• When he does not listen.
• When he disciplines in uncontrolled anger, more of a reaction.
• When he is often unreasonable: “No questions; just do it. Follow my orders!”
• When he is often overbearing: Children are often bullied and/or treated more like slaves than family members.
• When he is often insensitive: Communication by yelling. Harsh words. “Just deal with it.” “Get over it!”
• When he is often critical: “You never do anything right.” “You’ll never amount to anything.” “You can’t do that, what a foolish idea.”
• When he is generally unyielding: “Rule #1: Father knows best. If there are any questions, refer to Rule #1.”
• When he administers consequences that do not fit the offense, yet he does not acknowledge the error or apologize.
• When he intentionally teases to the point of embarrassment (especially in public).
• When he is in the wrong, but refuse to acknowledge and apologize.

‘Head of the home’ is not synonymous with dictator or overlord. Head implies leadership. As the leader of the home God expects fathers to govern with a keen mind that considers each individual in the family. A good father understands differences in personalities, abilities, and even personal interests. He welcomes input from his wife and from his children. He is also careful to admit to his own failures and shortcomings.

Father’s Day is a day on which fathers are honored. 

For self-evaluation: Do you lead every day in such a way that you are deserving of honor?


Mark Stinnett

May 4, 2025

Discipline with Integrity

I don’t know how well it will work, but I know that it’s right. (I am thinking about discipline as it applies to children in the home.)

My leading statement might not instill great confidence. However, there is a reason for making the statement: Kids make choices. By that, I mean that even perfect parenting will yield varied results. You might remember what God said to one of his prophets: “You shall speak all these words to them, but they will not listen to you; and you shall call to them, but they will not answer you.” (Jeremiah 7:27) Like the people of God at the time of Jeremiah, children do not always listen, even when parents do everything right. Like all humans, children make choices and their independence grows with age.

Parenting is not hopeless, however. There are principles of discipline that should be followed. But first, what is discipline? 

In the Bible, discipline starts with simple instruction. It also includes training by modeling and by hands-on attempts by the child. Discipline also includes verbal correction, rebuke and physical consequences that may range from removing privileges, applying unwanted circumstances, and yes, even spanking. So, discipline is a very broad category.

There are a few principles that apply to all types of discipline in all kinds of circumstances:

• Make no idle threats. Never threaten a consequence that you cannot carry out or that you know you will not carry out. When you lie to your children about discipline, your children will also learn to lie.
• If you agree to something, do it. If you do not keep your word, children learn that it is ok to say things and not really mean what they say. That is simply a lengthy way of describing a lie. Children see through lies.
• If it is morally right in the Bible, then it should be right in your home. Model what is right and demand it in your children.
• If it is morally wrong in the Bible, then it should be wrong in your home. Among other things, the Bible teaches that children are expected to honor and obey their parents, and tell the truth. Parents who do not discipline a child for lying, disobedience and/or dishonor have placed themselves above God. Children will see that their parents do not regard God’s word highly.

The way parents discipline their children will reflect their view of God and His word.

Discipline has two primary goals:

• First, discipline is the means by which a parent keeps a child on the path of righteousness. Much can be learned from the book of Proverbs where discipline is a prominent theme. Ultimately, righteousness leads the child to the cross of Christ where he/she is then encouraged to follow Jesus.
• Second, discipline in the home trains a child to be self-disciplined. A child who has learned self-discipline is far more likely to be happy, creative, successful, and well-adjusted as an adult. A complete lack of discipline promotes instinctive behavior like that found in wild animals.

People differ in their viewpoint of child discipline and how it is to be applied. However, Integrity in discipline is about following God’s instruction in spite of everyone else’s opinions.

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, 

but he who hates correction is stupid.

—Proverbs 12:1 (NIV)

Mark Stinnett

January 19, 2025

Psalm 23: No Fear

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

--Psalm 23:4

Fear is a powerful motivator often generating a ‘fight or flight’ response. However, there can be such terrible fear that a person is paralyzed. We might call that kind of fear, dread.

Fear drains the emotions, fatigues the mind, crushes the will, and even saps energy from the body. Unpredictable reactions and poor choices are common.

In the 23rd Psalm David described yet another response to fear, but not to fear in general, the fear of evil. The poor economy might shake us up as it threatens our vacation plans, career, or retirement. Health issues can certainly cause fear. We might feel pressures in our home life or at work and, as a result, fear the potential negative results. But evil? Ha! Why fear evil?

In general, people do not seem to fear evil, perhaps out of arrogant confidence, but probably more out of ignorance. We are more like a small child in a canoe idly drifting toward a waterfall not comprehending its devastating power. We prefer not to think about evil and its power in our lives.

Satan does not pound at our door announcing himself and his evil intentions. He is subtle and quiet as he offers enticements difficult for us to refuse. If we would simply reflect on our past, we would acknowledge how sin and evil have had control over us. We should fear evil, and yet….

David wrote, “I fear no evil.” He must have known the terror of evil and its incredible strength. Yet, he had no fear because he took comfort in someone who was stronger and able to provide protection from evil, someone able to provide safety.

The shepherd’s rod was a tool used against predators, but it was also used to discipline sheep. The rod represents God’s protection of his sheep from the evil one.

The Apostle Paul wrote that God would not allow anyone to be tempted beyond what he was able to endure. That tells us that temptations do exist that God knows will certainly overpower us. So, He will not allow those temptations.

Paul also wrote that God would provide a way of escape for the temptations He does allow. So, when there are appealing enticements, we can know that God is confident that we can overcome the temptation. He will provide a way of escape so that we can endure the trial.

The Hebrew writer encouraged Christians to have a good attitude regarding the discipline of God. Though discipline is not pleasant, it is for our good. The purpose of discipline is always to restore. Our Great Shepherd uses the rod of discipline to protect us and restore us.

The staff uniquely identifies a shepherd and is used to lead and work the sheep. The staff is virtually an extension of the shepherd’s arm. He uses it to gently pick up lambs and place them with their mother, to nudge sheep before they can wander off, and even to make simple contact with a sheep. In the latter case it is not unlike a father walking side-by-side with his child. The simple touch conveys safety and acceptance.

The rod and staff together represent the Great Shepherd’s contact with his sheep. Whether through a painful lesson learned with the rod of discipline or the gentle reminder of his presence with his staff, our Shepherd is ever near, protecting, guiding, training, leading, and comforting His sheep in the face of danger. With God as our shepherd, there is no reason to fear evil. We can awaken each day with confidence as he leads us in safety to our spiritual home.

Mark Stinnett

November 17, 2024

God's Performance Record

In my previous article I used King David as an example of dealing with life’s anxiety. Even though pursued by an enemy, he was able to “lie down and sleep” because of His dependence on God. So, how do we draw from His example? How do we actually place our worries and anxieties into God’s hands? How??

A man pleaded with Jesus to heal his demon-possessed son. He said, “If you can do anything, take pity on us and help us!” (Mark 9:22) Look at the exchange that followed.

And Jesus said to him, “’If You can?’ All things are possible to him who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father cried out and said, “I do believe; help my unbelief.”

You might say that the man had a degree of belief, but also a degree of unbelief. He brought his son to Jesus, but he seems to have been apprehensive, as if to think, “I’m not really sure if Jesus can do anything, but it’s worth a try. Nothing else has worked.”

Do you ever feel that way about God?

You can say, “God is able,” because the Bible says as much. But when it gets down to the grind of daily life, you wonder; you doubt. It is as if the Bible teaching is a doctrinal position, a kind of ideal, but the reality of life is different.

On one occasion my middle daughter sat outside after a school activity waiting for me to pick her up. The moms of some of her friends offered her a ride. Her coach, the last one to leave, offered her a ride. She declined each of their offers saying, “My dad is picking me up.”

I had forgotten her on that occasion! My wife called and reminded me. I was very late. I apologized to my daughter and asked her if she was concerned. “No, I knew you’d come.”

She knew I would come because I had always come before. Even though I was late that time, I had a good track record. For that reason, she was confident that I’d come.

When you read the Bible and consider God’s track record, He always shows up. He provides when we ask. He provides when we do not ask. And yet, He sometimes says, “No,” and He sometimes disciplines us. In all of this, however, God has never failed.

Consider the occasion in which God refused Paul. Having prayed three times for God to remove his thorn in the flesh, Paul was told by God, “My grace is sufficient for you.” It was God telling Paul that He was providing all that Paul needed. He did not need to remove the thorn in the flesh for Paul to be effective in accomplishing His will. (Read it in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10.)

Sometimes, when the answer is not, “Yes,” we are tempted to think that God did not show up. However, that is to evaluate God according to our personal timetable, i.e., according to our personal will. When we look at God’s record in accomplishing HIS will, He has a spotless record. The difficulty that we may encounter is that we are dissatisfied with God's track record in accomplishing 'my' will.

HOW do we “lie down and sleep” when experiencing life’s turmoil? 

We pray and then we do the best with our plans and activities. 

The reason we can sleep is because God’s will is more important than our personal will. He will accomplish it. If God does not help us, it is because He knows that, like Paul, His grace is sufficient. That means that He knows that we can endure the difficulty. 

Our faith (or lack of it) is not what makes God powerful. When God identified Himself to Moses saying, “I am who I am,” it had absolutely nothing to do with you and me. So, we rest in His power and His wisdom by aligning our will with His saying, “Your will be done.”


Mark Stinnett

June 9, 2024

The Feet Follow the Heart

Mom said it rather tersely, “Straighten your face!” I heard other parents tell their kids, “You need to change your face!”

These strong words were spoken when one of us kids had worn a sad face too long or we were simply pouting (a silent fit of anger). Have you ever wondered how effective this form of correction was? Did this type of correction bring about the desired response? Were the parents who demanded a ‘straight face’ only interested in seeing a face that was not sad or angry? Or was there a more noble desire? Did our parents really desire a change of heart?

Now, as an adult reflecting on my ‘straighten your face’ experiences, I have considered other disciplinary actions. I have asked myself:

• What is more important, a pleasant face, or a heart with the right attitude?
• Is it better to have acceptable behavior, or a heart that desires to do right?
• Should I teach my children to merely refrain from vulgar speech or train their hearts to think pure thoughts that generate wholesome speech?

We all understand that it is the attitude and disposition of the heart that affects one’s face, affects one’s behavior, and affects one’s speech. We all know and teach that Jesus desired a response from the heart, not mere external obedience.

People can fake the externals. People can put on a show by displaying a happy face, maintaining culturally acceptable behaviors, and acceptable speech. Yet, even with the outer display of goodness, the heart can be rotten.
Jesus rebuked the hypocritical Pharisees of his day saying:

These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.

— Matthew 15:8 (NIV)

Parents, this is surely not the result we desire when we correct or discipline our children. We want their hearts to change.

• God wants people with changed hearts.
• Jesus wants people with changed hearts.
• Parents want children with changed hearts.

Did you know that that is what repentance is really all about!?

At the heart of the New Testament word repentance is the idea of a changed mind or changed heart. God knew, and we intuitively know, that changed behavior without a changed heart is hypocritical. In contrast, a change in one’s thinking/attitude will naturally result in changed behaviors. Changed behaviors that are the result of discipline are known as the fruit of repentance. Repentance is always about the heart, about changing one’s perception to truth.

Whether we are correcting our children, or conversing with an unbeliever, or reflecting on our own lives, we must recognize that God desires the heart. We can demand behavioral changes; but even an animal trainer does that.

When the direction of the heart is changed, you can rest assured, the feet will follow.

Mark Stinnett

April 21, 2024

Embrace Discipline

My parents disciplined me. As a result, I now exercise self-discipline.

I disciplined my children. Now grown, I expect them to exercise self-discipline.

Did you know that preaching and teaching are forms of discipline?

In the English language we usually reserve the word discipline for stronger kinds of action. We discipline our children by placing them in ‘time-out,’ by restricting privileges, or by imposing unwanted duties or activities. Discipline may include physical discipline as well.

There was a Hebrew word used in the Old Testament, musar, that meant discipline, but had a much broader meaning than our English word. Musar included any kind of correction and for that reason might be translated reprimand, reproach, reprove, rebuke, or chastise. At times musar referred to training. And, a surprise to some, musar also included simple instruction that might be given verbally, in writing, or by demonstration. Musar may come as preaching, teaching, and even in writing, like this article.

As instruction, musar was not merely informative. There was always a purpose and a goal. The purpose of musar was to affect one’s attitude, choices, and behavior.

In our day, discipline is sometimes misunderstood. It is not the same as punishment. The goal of punishment is equity and justice. A person is expected to pay for a crime committed, whether a fine, public service, or imprisonment. Our laws attempt to increase the severity of the payment according to the severity of the crime.

Discipline is not about paying one’s crime debt. Rather, discipline has the purpose of keeping a person on the right path. Ultimately, discipline carried out by parents or others in positions of authority should bring about self-discipline in the one receiving discipline.

Children are not born with self-discipline, but self-ishness. As children mature there should be a diminishing need for parental discipline while self-discipline increases. When adults lack self-discipline in matters of the spirit and morality, it may be necessary for a loving fellow Christian to step in and apply musar.

But let’s face it; in general, we do not like correction. Many shrug off helpful instruction with statements like, “I can figure it out on my own,” or “I don’t need your help.” It is likely that you know someone who politely listens to instruction or correction, and then ignores it and does whatever he/she wishes to do.

You might be thinking that not all instruction and correction comes from a person who cares. True. Also, not all instruction is good instruction. However, here’s the point:

A fool rejects his father’s discipline (musar)

But he who regards reproof is prudent.

—Proverbs 15:5

A fool thinks that musar (instruction, training, correction, discipline) is not necessary. He pushes it aside, sometimes in anger. He may not want the challenge or difficulty of training or the potential humiliation of correction, or he may simply consider himself above discipline.

In great contrast the prudent (wise) person not only accepts discipline of all kinds, he has regard for discipline. That means that he sees value in all kinds of discipline recognizing that it is necessary and also beneficial. The wise person doesn’t just accept discipline, he embraces it. 

What is your attitude toward discipline?

Mark Stinnett

March 17, 2024

Discipline Isn't a Warm Fuzzy

Whether it is the discipline of a child, self-discipline, or even church discipline, it is not supposed to be fun. Discipline is not a warm fuzzy. And yet, in our day tolerance is king and we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I prefer to be tolerant. I was never excited about disciplining my own children. I never relished the thought of the next discipline event. Sometimes the discipline of my children was also painful to my wife and me. And yet…

Near the end of the book of Hebrews is an illuminating passage about discipline (12:4-11). Discipline in the home is used as an illustration to help us understand God’s discipline. Read that passage and then consider these observations.

We respect our earthly fathers for disciplining us (v. 9). Not everyone has had parents who disciplined in a good, constructive way. Television documentaries on ‘corporal punishment’ have consistently highlighted parents who were harsh, short-tempered, and who publicly humiliated their children. I think I know why we never saw good examples of discipline in the home in the documentaries. Discipline is intimate. In other words, it is a personal and private matter. Parents must not discipline in anger and must discipline in a way that fits the offense. They must ensure understanding before the disciplinary action is carried out. And they must show their love and acceptance afterward. That is part of the reason that we respect our fathers for disciplining us.

Discipline is to be expected because it is for good. Solomon has many things to say about discipline in the book of Proverbs. Many people reject his teachings because of his strong wording. However, the simple point is that proper discipline demonstrates love. The absence of discipline is a sign of the absence of love.

Discipline is not joyful in the moment, and that is true of every kind of discipline. Yet it has a purpose of making a person better. Of spiritual discipline God says that…

He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness (v. 10).

To those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness (v. 11).

In Peter’s list of Christian attributes are self-control and endurance (2 Peter 1:6). Self-control is the discipline of stopping. Stop talking to avoid gossip. Stop listening to avoid being a busybody. Stop anger before it becomes sin. Stop looking to avoid lust. Stop longing to avoid covetousness. In general, we need to stop before we give in to temptation and sin. Discipline is the opposite of temptation (James 1:14).

Endurance is the discipline of continuing. It is forgiving yet again, serving when you are tired, loving the unlovable. It is enduring the trials of life. It is doing good and continuing in righteousness when there seems to be no positive result and those around you prosper in sin.

Discipline is rooted in faith and hope. It is faith in God’s word realizing that you are not missing out on anything of significance when you do not possess all the things you wish or participate in all the activities you like. It is steadfastness when there is nothing in the present to validate your faith. Discipline makes sense when you keep your focus on the future promises of God.

Discipline yourself (and your children) so God doesn’t have to. 

Don’t give in to the fuzzy illusion of tolerance.

Mark Stinnett

January 7, 2024

Which Way Should They Go?

Our Hebrew teacher entered the classroom and said something that stung our minds. We had learned enough Hebrew to work through a passage, though not read it fluently. He seemed confident that we could open our Hebrew text and verify what he said.

Our teacher turned to one of the most well-known verses on discipline in the Bible, the often quoted Proverbs 22:6. He went on to tell us that the translators of the King James Version (KJV) had not provided a literal translation, but a logical conclusion. In the KJV the verse reads:

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

I had heard this verse quoted many times in my youth and applied in a rather harsh and judgmental way. It was always interpreted as a virtual guarantee for training children: Train your children right, according to God’s way, and they will always remain faithful.

Whenever this verse came up in a Bible class you could be sure to hear an objection. Someone would give a personal testimony about a family that he/she knew who had brought up their children in the Lord’s way; and yet, one or more of the children were unfaithful to God.

At that point the class went one of two directions. The teacher would either toy with the verse until he had changed its meaning, or he would staunchly inform the person with the testimonial that they were probably not correct in their assessment of the family.

In the end, the verse became a judgmental indictment against all parents who had a child that had turned away from the Lord. Clearly the child had not been trained up in the way he should go. As a result, many parents have felt guilt over a child who is not faithful to God.

My Hebrew teacher suggested something different. So, my classmates and I dove into the text to see what nugget of wisdom lay there.

The word translated 'train' is not the usual Hebrew term for training. In fact, at its root, it meant to 'start out' or 'dedicate.' It was used in the dedication of a house and also the Lord’s temple built by Solomon.

The next phrase of interest is “in the way he should go.” Many modern translations show the literal translation in a footnote: “according to his way,” with the pronoun his referring back to the child. One modern translation, the Christian Standard Bible, reflects the literal translation: 

Start out a youth on his way; even when he grows old he will not depart from it.

Two other proverbs support this translation:

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel. 

—Proverbs 12:15

The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother. 

—Proverbs 29:15

Solomon was not issuing a guarantee that a good upbringing will assure faithfulness to God. Rather, he was sounding a strong warning. A child who 'starts out in life going his own way' will continue in that way for life. For that reason parents must be alert to this call for discipline. We must not instill in our children to chase their dreams or follow their hearts. Rather we must instruct, correct, rebuke and discipline according to the Lord’s way.

As long as our children are in our care we must turn them from their own way. Discipline will be our friend and give hope to our children.

Mark Stinnett

February 19, 2023

Benefits of Discipline in the Home

Out of a skewed sense of love some parents cater to every whim of their child. They believe that answering “Yes” to every desire shows love. However, a skewed sense of love teaches the child a skewed sense of reality. The child is not the center of the universe. The child is not entitled. The child is not deserving.

God desires people to be selfless, not selfish. He wants us to look out for the interests of others, not just ourselves. He wants us to be like Christ. (Philippians 2:4)

Discipline is the tool parents use to teach sharing, thoughtfulness, kindness, and service. “No” is often a more loving answer than “Yes,” at least when teaching the ideals of God.

Some have thought that a person free from restraint will prove to be highly creative. However, history bears out the opposite. The greatest discoveries and inventions have been the products of persistence and determination in overcoming obstacles, nature’s way of saying, “No.”

Parents, discipline is a key element in the development of creativity in a child. It helps them to understand how do deal with obstacles and limitations in life and to form a disciplined lifestyle. That self-discipline will also help them to excel in doing good works and ministering to others as God desires. (Ephesians 2:10)

Undisciplined children tend to have a skewed sense of self-importance. They expect things to work out in their favor. They expect others to make sacrifices for them. They might have a sense of benevolence, but prefer to use the resources of others instead of their own.

Discipline is a key element in teaching a strong work ethic, patience while saving money, self-sacrifice, and generosity toward others. God teaches His children to work so that they will have something to share with those in need. (Ephesians 4:28)

There are often natural consequences, such as a blister on the finger when touching a hot surface. However, not all actions in life come with immediate consequences. For example, telling a lie might go unnoticed without consequences. Saving money has no immediate reward. One function of parental discipline is to teach a child about consequences when natural consequences are not immediate.

When, through discipline, consequences are learned, justice is taught, laying the groundwork for understanding mercy. Patience is taught, laying the groundwork for understanding hope.

To avoid conflict, many parents make sacrifices of time, money and effort. They buy what their child wants. They go where their child wants. They do what their child wants. Everything revolves around the child getting his/her way. The child becomes head of the house.

God wants children to obey their parents. Children are to honor their father and mother. (Ephesians 6:1-2) If parents do not insist on obedience and honor through proper discipline, their children will not learn to honor and obey any other authority including God himself. Discipline will save a child’s soul.

Discipline in the home teaches children how to walk in righteousness. It should not be viewed as a mere biblical command, but rather an essential key to life!

Cease listening to discipline, and you will stray from the words of knowledge.

—Proverbs 19:27

Mark Stinnett

February 12, 2023

Why Should I Discipline My Child?

Because of the instruction I read in the Bible, I am quite confident that the controversy over child discipline did not begin in the 20th century. Nevertheless, questions remain, and far too many parents replace God’s instruction with past experiences as a child, things learned in college, compelling opinions of family, friends and the Internet, and personal opinion.

At its simplest form, discipline is instruction. However, depending on the importance of the instruction and the willingness of the child to learn, instruction might take on other forms.

• Sometimes instruction includes hands-on training in which a child is shown how to do something and then tries to do it.
• When instruction fails, yet a child is being cooperative, correction may be necessary.
• When instruction and simple correction are unsuccessful, a child might need a verbal reprimand or rebuke. This is stronger correction by drawing attention to the child’s mistake or poor attitude. A wise parent will follow rebuke with positive encouragement.

It is wonderful when a child learns with simple verbal instruction, correction and, if necessary, rebuke. However, that is not always the case, as every parent knows. When verbal discipline fails, discipline must be elevated to some kind of physical discipline.

Physical discipline is any form of discipline that changes a child’s physical circumstances. Two broad categories might be considered

1. The removal of privileges or expected benefits, such as:

• Removal of toys;
• No dessert after a meal;
• Reduced phone usage;
• Severely restricted curfew;
• Not attending a social function/event;
• Removal of bedroom door (privacy);
• Restrictions on driving;
• Stop allowance for a specified time.

2. Adding responsibilities or unwanted discomfort, such as:

• Smack the back of the child’s hand;
• Add chores for a specified time;
• Assign a sibling’s responsibilities temporarily;
• Change bedroom arrangement;
• Walk to school (if sensible).

Only a lack of creativity limits physical discipline. And yes, spanking belongs in this category. Spanking, though controversial, is effective when administered properly. A parent must never spank in anger, must only spank as a form of discipline, not punishment, and must provide gentle and loving instruction afterward.

All of these disciplinary forms are rooted in biblical instruction. In the book of Proverbs discipline is stressed in the Hebrew word musar. It included instruction, correction, rebuke, and physical discipline.

The purpose of musar was never that of justice. Rather, musar (discipline) was administered so that a child would walk in the way of God. The purpose of discipline is to keep a child from going his own way, the way of destruction. Discipline is meant to save a child’s soul.

Consider:

He will die for lack of instruction (musar), And in the greatness of his folly he will go astray. 

—Proverbs 5:23

He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines (musar) him diligently. 

—Proverbs 13:24

Why should you discipline your child?

Because you love your child.

Mark Stinnett

February 5, 2023

Where's the Love in That?

By the standard of today’s society, Jesus might be branded intolerant for the way He addressed the Pharisees of His day. For example:

Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

—Matthew 23:27-28

That was just one of eight ‘woes’ that Jesus spoke on that occasion. And there were other occasions on which Jesus dealt rather harshly with the Pharisees and other religious leaders of the Jews.

One reason Jesus sounded harsh is because He called them hypocrites and then described them as lawless. In our day he might be labeled a name-caller and branded for being judgmental.

However, His seemingly harsh-sounding admonition is easily misunderstood. Do you know the meaning of the little word ‘woe’? The English word ‘woe’ and its Greek counterpart convey the idea of sorrow, grief or great distress. When Jesus called out, “Woe to you,” it was a way of sounding an alert for impending sorrow.

Do you like alerts?

Most would answer, “Yes” and “No.” We often set reminders (alerts) by scribbling a note or marking a calendar. Many folks set phone alerts for appointments, birthdays, anniversaries, and other important events. The alerts help us to remember. We like those alerts.

Warnings that are posted on our streets and highways are welcomed as well. Sometimes, however, the alerts may be considered annoying, such as speed limits.

• We prefer not to be pulled over by a state trooper and warned about speeding.
• We prefer not to get a warning from the bank that funds are low.
• Husbands prefer not to be corrected by their wives...and vice versa.
• Teens prefer not to be corrected by their parents, or teachers, or any adult or friend...or any other living thing.

However, common sense tells us that warnings are good; correction is good. Do we understand that discipline is good, even when it is not self-discipline?

What happens in a parenting situation when a child refuses simple instruction? In general, it is followed by verbal correction. Then, if verbal correction fails, a strong rebuke may follow. If a strong rebuke fails, then a variety of disciplinary measures may be used.

As parents, we understand the purpose of discipline. We do not prefer it; the child does not prefer it; but discipline is used to keep our children from moral ruin, from disastrous life choices and from behaving like wild animals. Discipline is a gesture of love on the part of parents.

The Pharisees had formed a hard shell of rejection around their minds toward Jesus. They had failed to listen to His divine instruction and had rejected Him as the Messiah, the Hope of Israel and the Savior of the world. Though the ‘woes’ sound harsh, Jesus was not pushing the Pharisees away. Rather, He was issuing a warning that was yet another attempt to offer hope by breaking through their harsh rejection of the truth. Say what you will about the ‘woes’; but in them we see ultimately the love of God.

We are to speak the truth in love;

but we are to speak the truth.

Mark Stinnett

January 8, 2023

'Caught Off Guard' Concerning Discipline

When you see the word discipline in a religious context, what comes to mind?

You might think about how the Bible can be used to correct a fellow believer. You might think about how the Bible instructs parents in the discipline of children. You might think about self-discipline. My starting point is the verse:

All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness….

2 Timothy 3:16 (NASB95)

The word discipline does not appear in this verse, but that is exactly what the Apostle Paul described. His description mirrors the meaning of an Old Testament Hebrew word, musar. It was used for the full breadth of discipline, including instruction, training, correction, rebuke (strong verbal correction), as well as physical discipline. So, Paul wrote that the inspired word of God is beneficial for musar.

Now, was Paul addressing parents, church leaders or Christians in general? The next verse tells us the purpose of the discipline that God’s word provides, even though the application may be broader.

...so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.

2 Timothy 3:17 (NASB95)

The overall idea is that of a finished work. God’s word is able to make you a finished work. I might be behind the times, but I think one of the buzz words of our day is spiritual formation.

The point is this: God’s word is able to transform you into a finished product that He will be satisfied with. His expectation is that you will be capable of doing good works. And how does He bring about a finished work in you?

God’s word provides instruction (doctrine) which tells us about God, His identity, His values, and His character. Biblical doctrine also tells us about ourselves in relation to God. Where else will you find instruction about salvation, the afterlife, moral conduct, and the soul?

And don’t overlook the mind of man. God’s word has been dealing with emotional and mental issues for centuries while modern research is only now catching up.

Even with the best instruction, we sometimes misunderstand. We try to implement God’s word in our lives, but sometimes fail. We need correction. We need someone to tell us where we went wrong and to point us in the right direction. Correction, reproof, and training all present varying levels of corrective discipline. God’s word is the best source.

We might find correction on our own as we read the Scriptures. At other times a friend or family member may love us enough to help us back on the right path by applying God’s word.

The Scriptures discipline us…

• To live righteous lives;
• To love sacrificially;
• To control our tongue (and typing fingers);
• To mature from childhood into adulthood with dignity.

The Scriptures instruct and discipline us in our different roles and circumstances:

• How to be husbands and wives;
• How to be parents & children;
• How to be bosses & employees;
• How to be Christian leaders & servants.

Don’t be caught off guard regarding discipline. God’s word is the key. God’s word is sufficient.


Mark Stinnett

September 5, 2021

How Important Are Consequences?

Children are not reasonable people.

That might be one of the reasons we have laughed at “Calvin and Hobbes,” “Peanuts,” “The Family Circus,” “Baby Blues” and other comic strips featuring children.

The younger the child, the more likely they are to have a complete lack of understanding of consequences. They lack life experience, understanding and knowledge. For that reason children are vulnerable to many dangers. For example, they do not recognize the consequences of touching a hot stove or sticking a metal object in an electrical outlet. While entertaining in the comic strips, the consequences of real life are often much more serious and sometimes painfully lasting.

Parents struggle with the task of instructing, training, and disciplining their children so that they will be able to avoid physical dangers in life. Parents also teach their children how to avoid financial pitfalls, academic failure, and common health problems. These are all necessary lessons. Yet, as Christians we must never rest from providing our children moral and spiritual training.

A significant part of moral and spiritual training is that of teaching consequences. Oftentimes, spiritual and moral offenses are not followed by immediate consequences. So, parents must apply consequences. Otherwise, their children will grow up spiritually immature and unable to see the ultimate consequences of their moral and spiritual choices.

At the end of a lengthy admonition to his son regarding the adulteress, Solomon considered the future of the one who had not listened to instruction. In the end, the young man's life was destroyed because he had wasted his energy and forfeited his possessions to strangers. Awakened by the reality of the moment, the young man cried out:

How I have hated instruction,
And my heart despised correction!
--Proverbs 5:12 (NKJV)

After experiencing devastating consequences, the eyes of the young man were opened to reality. Instruction and correction had not failed, but only after reaping the consequences of his poor attitude and rebellious behavior did the young man realize that he had failed.

The Bible, God’s revelation to mankind, allows us to peer into the future and learn the consequences of our choices. Many of the teachings in the Proverbs apply directly to our physical lives in the here and now. Yet, the overall message of scripture deals with spiritual life and spiritual consequences reaching into the afterlife.

The simple point is this: Instruction has already been revealed. Correction has already been written. God still disciplines his children today. (See Hebrews 12:4-10.) So, listen and follow God’s instruction NOW. At times of failure, when God corrects you through His word, listen and follow!

Experience may be the best teacher in some areas of life. However, no one wants experience to teach them that they hated instruction and despised correction. The eternal consequences are devastating and irreversible.

Be wise, now.
Consequently, live.


Mark Stinnett

June 13, 2021

Is Behavioral Change Enough?

When a child misbehaves, a parent might give immediate correction, “Stop that.” The abrupt correction specifically targets behavior.

Of course, good discipline does not simply involve the mere change of behavior. Rather, good discipline targets the heart. Any parent knows that a change of heart will result in changed behavior. Yet, the converse is not always true. Changed behavior does not always result in a change of heart.

When a parent exclaims, “You need to change your face,” what is the real goal? Is the parent satisfied with a hypocritical grin pasted on the face of a child with a devious heart? Of course not! The heart is the real target.

When a parent exclaims, “You know better than to do that,” what is the expectation? Isn’t it an appeal to the mind and heart of the child, expecting him to remember the values and standard he has been taught?

Changed behavior offers the parent immediate satisfaction. Yet, changed behavior can be the result of terrible parenting. Parents that communicate primarily by yelling may get the behavioral results they want (in the moment), but such poor communication will be unable to sustain good behavior in a child. In addition, it is unlikely that the child will learn how to communicate properly. And we all know that good communication is vital in and out of the home.

Changed behavior can also be achieved by harsh discipline. I am thinking about discipline that doesn’t fit the offense, discipline carried out when the parent is angry, discipline accompanied by teasing or humiliation, or physical discipline that goes too far. Harsh discipline is likely to lead to anger in the child. Do you remember Paul’s instruction?

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. 

 —Ephesians 6:4

Good discipline requires consequences and conversation. The younger the child, the more important the consequences. The older the child, the more important the instructional conversation. Smaller children do not have mature reasoning capabilities. They simply want to avoid pain regardless of their understanding of right and wrong. With maturity comes a greater ability to reason with the heart. With maturity a parental appeal can be made to the values within the heart of the child.

When a parent knows that their child is in agreement with good values and God’s standard, and that their child tries to do good, yet occasionally does not meet expectations, patience is shown. Yet, if the child is disagreeable and rebellious, consequences are warranted. Again, the emphasis is a child’s heart.

The goal of discipline is to develop a child’s perceptions that affect attitudes and decisions, and consequently, behavior and communication. Of course, the values and standard that are to be instilled in a child are found in the Bible. And the goal of discipline will only be met if parents follow those same values and standard.

Solomon instructed his son:

Let your father and mother be glad,
And let her rejoice who gave birth to you.
—Proverbs 23:25

Parents, until your children are old enough to embrace this teaching on their own, it is your responsibility to instill it, not by forced behavioral change, but by developing the heart of the child through good instruction and discipline.


Mark Stinnett

January 17, 2021

Hey Kids, What Are You Wearing?

Read the title question. What do you think?

Is this a fashion question? A modesty question? A pandemic ‘mask’ question?

It is ‘none of the above.’ My question stems from the advice the writer of Proverbs gave his son. It is good advice for kids today…

Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, 

And do not forsake your mother’s teaching;
Indeed, they are a graceful wreath to your head, 

And ornaments about your neck.
—Proverbs 1:8-9 (NASB95)

Does the proverb merely sound like a plea to honor parental advice? Actually, there’s more.

‘Instruction’ is translated from the Hebrew word ‘musar.’ It is best understood as discipline. Solomon pleads with his son to ‘hear’ or ‘listen to’ musar. So, he is referring to any kind of verbal discipline: instruction, correction, or rebuke.

‘Teaching’ is from the Hebrew word ‘torah.’ In most cases, ’torah’ was a word used for the Law of God. However, it did not refer to a set of rules, but rather, careful instruction.

So, what was the content of this fatherly verbal discipline and motherly instruction?

Based on the content of Proverbs 1, the discipline of the father and instruction of the mother both reflect the word of God. In other words, the parental instruction here is not homespun advice, but God’s instruction being relayed to the child through the parents. This tells me two things:

First, while every parent has informative and helpful instruction based on personal experience, nothing is more important than instruction from Scripture. So, children, it is of greatest importance that you to listen to your parents.

Second, parents, it is imperative that you take your responsibility as a parent seriously. Your obligation is to first relay what God has taught in His word. There is a place for your personal wisdom; just make sure God’s word is primary and your instruction is secondary. And don’t allow for your personal experience to undo or water down God’s instruction.

Solomon said that the parental teaching is “a graceful wreath to your head and ornaments about your neck.” That is God’s fashion statement to you. 

• Do you know what to wear when you get ready for school? 
• Do you know what you should wear to a party? 
• To the park? 
• To a church function? 
• On vacation? 
• Even at home?

Instead of promoting yourself and your independence and your opinions and your attitudes with your outer wear, God will be really impressed if you ‘wear’ your parents’ instruction.

So, how do you dress up with your parent’s instruction?

It is really simple to explain, but often hard to do: You ‘listen.’

When Solomon instructed his son to “Hear,” he did not intend for the instruction to go in one ear and out the other. Relaying God’s instruction, he expected his son to actually listen with interest; to think about the instruction; and to follow the instruction. That does not mean that there is no discussion. But any discussion should be for clarity. There is no room for selfish bargaining to get out of doing what is expected; no room for rebellion; no room for disobedience.

In the end, when children humbly follow God’s instruction given to them by their parents, things always go better for the children. It might not be fashionable to the people of the world, but it sure pleases God to adorn yourself with the teaching from His word.

Mark Stinnett 

August 30, 2020

How to Shame Your Mother

I’m in the local grocery store after work. My guess is that the other folks in the store are, like me, picking up something for supper. We are not rushing, but we are all in a hurry. Pleasant half-grins as we pass each other in the aisles.

Then it happens; the ear-spitting scream that awakens all of us from our after-work humdrum procession. One aisle over a little 30-inch monster has just cut loose on her mother, screaming for an item she passed by.

I want to throttle the little angel (and then exit quickly). I come around the display at the end of the aisle and enter the aisle of terror.

'Mom' looks like a bomb blew up in her face, a kind of deranged look: frizzled hair, face reddened from embarrassment, eyes about to burst with tears, or just burst. Still wanting to throttle the...
I want to offer to help, but do what?

This wasn’t the first time and it won’t be the last. She is lost in her moment of misery and a kind hug with, “It’ll be all right,” would be a lie.

Sure, kids eventually quit screaming. But only because their voices change and they learn to speak. Then their rebellion takes on a different sound and look. It is foolish to think that the rebellious nature of a child somehow just vanishes over time.

I have never heard anyone bemoan the fact that they had applied proper discipline to their child. My heart is heavy from time to time when I see Christians, believers who claim to honor God and hold to his divine instruction, yet who allow rebellion and disobedience in their home. I wonder why some Christians fail to embrace God’s teaching on the discipline of children. I can assure you that I am not being judgmental. The behavior is out in the open for all to see: open rebellion, open defiance, blatant disobedience; yet no form of discipline follows. If parents wait until ‘experience’ teaches the lesson, it will be far too late.

   The rod and reproof give wisdom, 
   But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.
   --Proverbs 29:15

The ‘rod’ refers to discipline of a physical nature. ‘Reproof’ refers to discipline of a verbal nature.

Years ago a friend of mine quipped, as we both watched his son disobey, "I was just like that when I was his age...but I turned out ok."

Assuming that my friend really was 'OK' (morally, spiritually), who would think that it was his undisciplined disobedience that made him OK? Rather, it would seem that something or someone had intervened to turned him around. A lack of discipline does not breed discipline; disobedience does not produce obedience. A child who gets his own way..."brings shame to his mother."

May God grant Christian parents the courage to...Believe!


Mark Stinnett