Embrace Discipline

My parents disciplined me. As a result, I now exercise self-discipline.

I disciplined my children. Now grown, I expect them to exercise self-discipline.

Did you know that preaching and teaching are forms of discipline?

In the English language we usually reserve the word discipline for stronger kinds of action. We discipline our children by placing them in ‘time-out,’ by restricting privileges, or by imposing unwanted duties or activities. Discipline may include physical discipline as well.

There was a Hebrew word used in the Old Testament, musar, that meant discipline, but had a much broader meaning than our English word. Musar included any kind of correction and for that reason might be translated reprimand, reproach, reprove, rebuke, or chastise. At times musar referred to training. And, a surprise to some, musar also included simple instruction that might be given verbally, in writing, or by demonstration. Musar may come as preaching, teaching, and even in writing, like this article.

As instruction, musar was not merely informative. There was always a purpose and a goal. The purpose of musar was to affect one’s attitude, choices, and behavior.

In our day, discipline is sometimes misunderstood. It is not the same as punishment. The goal of punishment is equity and justice. A person is expected to pay for a crime committed, whether a fine, public service, or imprisonment. Our laws attempt to increase the severity of the payment according to the severity of the crime.

Discipline is not about paying one’s crime debt. Rather, discipline has the purpose of keeping a person on the right path. Ultimately, discipline carried out by parents or others in positions of authority should bring about self-discipline in the one receiving discipline.

Children are not born with self-discipline, but self-ishness. As children mature there should be a diminishing need for parental discipline while self-discipline increases. When adults lack self-discipline in matters of the spirit and morality, it may be necessary for a loving fellow Christian to step in and apply musar.

But let’s face it; in general, we do not like correction. Many shrug off helpful instruction with statements like, “I can figure it out on my own,” or “I don’t need your help.” It is likely that you know someone who politely listens to instruction or correction, and then ignores it and does whatever he/she wishes to do.

You might be thinking that not all instruction and correction comes from a person who cares. True. Also, not all instruction is good instruction. However, here’s the point:

A fool rejects his father’s discipline (musar)

But he who regards reproof is prudent.

—Proverbs 15:5

A fool thinks that musar (instruction, training, correction, discipline) is not necessary. He pushes it aside, sometimes in anger. He may not want the challenge or difficulty of training or the potential humiliation of correction, or he may simply consider himself above discipline.

In great contrast the prudent (wise) person not only accepts discipline of all kinds, he has regard for discipline. That means that he sees value in all kinds of discipline recognizing that it is necessary and also beneficial. The wise person doesn’t just accept discipline, he embraces it. 

What is your attitude toward discipline?

Mark Stinnett

March 17, 2024

Why Should I Discipline My Child?

Because of the instruction I read in the Bible, I am quite confident that the controversy over child discipline did not begin in the 20th century. Nevertheless, questions remain, and far too many parents replace God’s instruction with past experiences as a child, things learned in college, compelling opinions of family, friends and the Internet, and personal opinion.

At its simplest form, discipline is instruction. However, depending on the importance of the instruction and the willingness of the child to learn, instruction might take on other forms.

• Sometimes instruction includes hands-on training in which a child is shown how to do something and then tries to do it.
• When instruction fails, yet a child is being cooperative, correction may be necessary.
• When instruction and simple correction are unsuccessful, a child might need a verbal reprimand or rebuke. This is stronger correction by drawing attention to the child’s mistake or poor attitude. A wise parent will follow rebuke with positive encouragement.

It is wonderful when a child learns with simple verbal instruction, correction and, if necessary, rebuke. However, that is not always the case, as every parent knows. When verbal discipline fails, discipline must be elevated to some kind of physical discipline.

Physical discipline is any form of discipline that changes a child’s physical circumstances. Two broad categories might be considered

1. The removal of privileges or expected benefits, such as:

• Removal of toys;
• No dessert after a meal;
• Reduced phone usage;
• Severely restricted curfew;
• Not attending a social function/event;
• Removal of bedroom door (privacy);
• Restrictions on driving;
• Stop allowance for a specified time.

2. Adding responsibilities or unwanted discomfort, such as:

• Smack the back of the child’s hand;
• Add chores for a specified time;
• Assign a sibling’s responsibilities temporarily;
• Change bedroom arrangement;
• Walk to school (if sensible).

Only a lack of creativity limits physical discipline. And yes, spanking belongs in this category. Spanking, though controversial, is effective when administered properly. A parent must never spank in anger, must only spank as a form of discipline, not punishment, and must provide gentle and loving instruction afterward.

All of these disciplinary forms are rooted in biblical instruction. In the book of Proverbs discipline is stressed in the Hebrew word musar. It included instruction, correction, rebuke, and physical discipline.

The purpose of musar was never that of justice. Rather, musar (discipline) was administered so that a child would walk in the way of God. The purpose of discipline is to keep a child from going his own way, the way of destruction. Discipline is meant to save a child’s soul.

Consider:

He will die for lack of instruction (musar), And in the greatness of his folly he will go astray. 

—Proverbs 5:23

He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines (musar) him diligently. 

—Proverbs 13:24

Why should you discipline your child?

Because you love your child.

Mark Stinnett

February 5, 2023

'Caught Off Guard' Concerning Discipline

When you see the word discipline in a religious context, what comes to mind?

You might think about how the Bible can be used to correct a fellow believer. You might think about how the Bible instructs parents in the discipline of children. You might think about self-discipline. My starting point is the verse:

All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness….

2 Timothy 3:16 (NASB95)

The word discipline does not appear in this verse, but that is exactly what the Apostle Paul described. His description mirrors the meaning of an Old Testament Hebrew word, musar. It was used for the full breadth of discipline, including instruction, training, correction, rebuke (strong verbal correction), as well as physical discipline. So, Paul wrote that the inspired word of God is beneficial for musar.

Now, was Paul addressing parents, church leaders or Christians in general? The next verse tells us the purpose of the discipline that God’s word provides, even though the application may be broader.

...so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.

2 Timothy 3:17 (NASB95)

The overall idea is that of a finished work. God’s word is able to make you a finished work. I might be behind the times, but I think one of the buzz words of our day is spiritual formation.

The point is this: God’s word is able to transform you into a finished product that He will be satisfied with. His expectation is that you will be capable of doing good works. And how does He bring about a finished work in you?

God’s word provides instruction (doctrine) which tells us about God, His identity, His values, and His character. Biblical doctrine also tells us about ourselves in relation to God. Where else will you find instruction about salvation, the afterlife, moral conduct, and the soul?

And don’t overlook the mind of man. God’s word has been dealing with emotional and mental issues for centuries while modern research is only now catching up.

Even with the best instruction, we sometimes misunderstand. We try to implement God’s word in our lives, but sometimes fail. We need correction. We need someone to tell us where we went wrong and to point us in the right direction. Correction, reproof, and training all present varying levels of corrective discipline. God’s word is the best source.

We might find correction on our own as we read the Scriptures. At other times a friend or family member may love us enough to help us back on the right path by applying God’s word.

The Scriptures discipline us…

• To live righteous lives;
• To love sacrificially;
• To control our tongue (and typing fingers);
• To mature from childhood into adulthood with dignity.

The Scriptures instruct and discipline us in our different roles and circumstances:

• How to be husbands and wives;
• How to be parents & children;
• How to be bosses & employees;
• How to be Christian leaders & servants.

Don’t be caught off guard regarding discipline. God’s word is the key. God’s word is sufficient.


Mark Stinnett

September 5, 2021

Hey Kids, What Are You Wearing?

Read the title question. What do you think?

Is this a fashion question? A modesty question? A pandemic ‘mask’ question?

It is ‘none of the above.’ My question stems from the advice the writer of Proverbs gave his son. It is good advice for kids today…

Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, 

And do not forsake your mother’s teaching;
Indeed, they are a graceful wreath to your head, 

And ornaments about your neck.
—Proverbs 1:8-9 (NASB95)

Does the proverb merely sound like a plea to honor parental advice? Actually, there’s more.

‘Instruction’ is translated from the Hebrew word ‘musar.’ It is best understood as discipline. Solomon pleads with his son to ‘hear’ or ‘listen to’ musar. So, he is referring to any kind of verbal discipline: instruction, correction, or rebuke.

‘Teaching’ is from the Hebrew word ‘torah.’ In most cases, ’torah’ was a word used for the Law of God. However, it did not refer to a set of rules, but rather, careful instruction.

So, what was the content of this fatherly verbal discipline and motherly instruction?

Based on the content of Proverbs 1, the discipline of the father and instruction of the mother both reflect the word of God. In other words, the parental instruction here is not homespun advice, but God’s instruction being relayed to the child through the parents. This tells me two things:

First, while every parent has informative and helpful instruction based on personal experience, nothing is more important than instruction from Scripture. So, children, it is of greatest importance that you to listen to your parents.

Second, parents, it is imperative that you take your responsibility as a parent seriously. Your obligation is to first relay what God has taught in His word. There is a place for your personal wisdom; just make sure God’s word is primary and your instruction is secondary. And don’t allow for your personal experience to undo or water down God’s instruction.

Solomon said that the parental teaching is “a graceful wreath to your head and ornaments about your neck.” That is God’s fashion statement to you. 

• Do you know what to wear when you get ready for school? 
• Do you know what you should wear to a party? 
• To the park? 
• To a church function? 
• On vacation? 
• Even at home?

Instead of promoting yourself and your independence and your opinions and your attitudes with your outer wear, God will be really impressed if you ‘wear’ your parents’ instruction.

So, how do you dress up with your parent’s instruction?

It is really simple to explain, but often hard to do: You ‘listen.’

When Solomon instructed his son to “Hear,” he did not intend for the instruction to go in one ear and out the other. Relaying God’s instruction, he expected his son to actually listen with interest; to think about the instruction; and to follow the instruction. That does not mean that there is no discussion. But any discussion should be for clarity. There is no room for selfish bargaining to get out of doing what is expected; no room for rebellion; no room for disobedience.

In the end, when children humbly follow God’s instruction given to them by their parents, things always go better for the children. It might not be fashionable to the people of the world, but it sure pleases God to adorn yourself with the teaching from His word.

Mark Stinnett 

August 30, 2020

No Stupid Children

I would not advise it, but you could try it. The next time your child pushes aside your instruction or rejects your discipline, you could say that they are ‘stupid.’ Again, I would not advise it, but you could, because Solomon wrote,

   Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
   But he who hates reproof is stupid.
   --Proverbs 12:1

We often think of ‘hate’ as a reference to a seething and despicable attitude against something. We should understand that the term ‘rejection,' though seemingly mild, also fits as a synonym. Anyone who ‘rejects’ reproof (verbal correction) is stupid.

The Hebrew word behind the term ‘discipline’ includes all aspects of instruction, including: verbal instruction, demonstration, correction, re-teaching and rebuke. This same Hebrew word also includes all forms of discipline including corporal punishment. Generally, when administered, discipline is not pleasant, but it is for the good of the child. Parents, instruction and discipline are expressions of love for your child.

Instruction and discipline have the goal of instilling godly principles, proper attitudes and good behavior. Parents must instruct and discipline in such a way that their child can recognize the benefit of following instruction and accepting discipline. Harsh words do not make for good instruction. Impulsive discipline will not teach beneficial lessons. Homespun ideas that have little relevance or no basis in reality will teach a child to stop listening.

Instruction and discipline are imperative, yet children need to be trained that instruction and discipline are good for them. They need to be taught the value of loving and desiring instruction and discipline.

To do this parents must ‘tell’ their children the benefits of instruction and discipline in relation to identifiable, real-life, practical examples. In other words, after having given instruction and/or discipline, a parent should be on the lookout for a teachable moment that will illuminate the benefit of previous instruction/discipline. That moment may not be immediate; perhaps days will pass. But watch for that teachable moment.

Do not make the teachable moment an ‘I told you so’ moment. Rather, when the teachable moment arrives, point back to the instruction/discipline and explain the connection. Help them to appreciate the benefit that resulted. (You can sometimes see teachable moments in the behavior of other children.)

Over time you will find there to be less need for discipline and more times when simple instruction is all that is needed...

And your child will not be stupid.

Bring It

   Apply your heart to discipline, 
   And your ears to words of knowledge.
   --Proverbs 23:12

In most English translations this proverb begins with the word ‘apply.’ It is a good translation of one of the most common Hebrew words in the Old Testament. The general meaning of the word is: to come, or to bring.

Does the idea of ‘bringing’ create a picture in your mind?
   Bring your heart to discipline,
   Bring your ears to words of knowledge.

Does 'bringing' emphasize the fact that you are the one who possesses your heart? That you are in control of your ears?

If you are to learn and grow in wisdom, you are the one who must take the initiative to ‘bring’ your heart and ‘bring’ your ears.

This proverb does not emphasize a conceptual application of wisdom and knowledge. Rather, it emphasizes the task of getting your heart and ears to the place where discipline and knowledge are taught...and I think we recognize that the 'place' will not be found on a map.

Have you brought your heart to God’s school of discipline and instruction?
Bring it.
Have you brought your ears to God’s school of knowledge?
Bring it.

Don't you think it is time to make a step forward?

"Musar"

We were in elementary school but the memory is still quite vivid. I won’t say what she did, but my older sister was in big trouble and dad was on a rampage.
(I probably tattled . . . can’t remember.)

The old saying goes, “Experience is the best teacher,” but I disagree. 'I' learned from her mistake. She received correction and discipline and I received valuable instruction. That was definitely the best way to learn.

There is a beautiful Hebrew word used a number of times in the Proverbs. Its meaning has a connection to my learning experience. Though there were two of us, three if you count dad, there was instruction and correction and discipline all at the same time. The Hebrew word ‘musar’ means instruction and correction and discipline all at the same time. (Though not smooth English, we might consider 'instructive discipline' or 'disciplinary instruction' as descriptive translations of 'musar.')

Parents sometimes forget the purpose of discipline. It is not to get even or punish (administer justice), but to provide instruction. In scripture instruction has the purpose of providing discipline, that is, self-discipline.

   A wise son accepts his father's discipline, 
   But a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.
                                                          --Proverbs 13:1

‘Discipline’ in this verse is the Hebrew word musar. It includes the simple instruction that comes when a father tells or shows his child how something works or when he explains right and wrong in life. Ideally instruction is accepted by the child who then adjusts his attitude and behavior accordingly: self-discipline. If the outcome is imperfect the father may choose to correct; still a part of musar. Where instruction and correction are rejected by the child, discipline follows, still a part of musar.

An excellent present-day illustration of musar is found in coaching. Coaches give verbal instruction, apply hands-on training, give correction, and require physical discipline. In extreme cases they will ‘bench’ a player or kick the player off the team for misconduct, each a form of discipline. Instruction, training, correction, discipline: musar. Each element of the coach's training program is singular in purpose, to make the athlete excel in competition.

In the same way that I learned from my sister’s discipline, God wanted Israel to learn from discipline, that is, the discipline they had received from God in their past: musar.
(Read about this in Deuteronomy 11:2-9.)

The general purpose of musar in Proverbs is to equip the child to excel in life. More specifically, it is to equip the child for life before God.

When the Apostle Paul instructed Christian fathers concerning their children to "bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4), he was bringing forward the Hebrew concept of musar.

Do not think this that is a nice little Hebrew word study...this is about life!

Parents, be wise. Apply musar.
Children, be wise. Love musar.

Musar is life.