Discipline with Integrity

I don’t know how well it will work, but I know that it’s right. (I am thinking about discipline as it applies to children in the home.)

My leading statement might not instill great confidence. However, there is a reason for making the statement: Kids make choices. By that, I mean that even perfect parenting will yield varied results. You might remember what God said to one of his prophets: “You shall speak all these words to them, but they will not listen to you; and you shall call to them, but they will not answer you.” (Jeremiah 7:27) Like the people of God at the time of Jeremiah, children do not always listen, even when parents do everything right. Like all humans, children make choices and their independence grows with age.

Parenting is not hopeless, however. There are principles of discipline that should be followed. But first, what is discipline? 

In the Bible, discipline starts with simple instruction. It also includes training by modeling and by hands-on attempts by the child. Discipline also includes verbal correction, rebuke and physical consequences that may range from removing privileges, applying unwanted circumstances, and yes, even spanking. So, discipline is a very broad category.

There are a few principles that apply to all types of discipline in all kinds of circumstances:

• Make no idle threats. Never threaten a consequence that you cannot carry out or that you know you will not carry out. When you lie to your children about discipline, your children will also learn to lie.
• If you agree to something, do it. If you do not keep your word, children learn that it is ok to say things and not really mean what they say. That is simply a lengthy way of describing a lie. Children see through lies.
• If it is morally right in the Bible, then it should be right in your home. Model what is right and demand it in your children.
• If it is morally wrong in the Bible, then it should be wrong in your home. Among other things, the Bible teaches that children are expected to honor and obey their parents, and tell the truth. Parents who do not discipline a child for lying, disobedience and/or dishonor have placed themselves above God. Children will see that their parents do not regard God’s word highly.

The way parents discipline their children will reflect their view of God and His word.

Discipline has two primary goals:

• First, discipline is the means by which a parent keeps a child on the path of righteousness. Much can be learned from the book of Proverbs where discipline is a prominent theme. Ultimately, righteousness leads the child to the cross of Christ where he/she is then encouraged to follow Jesus.
• Second, discipline in the home trains a child to be self-disciplined. A child who has learned self-discipline is far more likely to be happy, creative, successful, and well-adjusted as an adult. A complete lack of discipline promotes instinctive behavior like that found in wild animals.

People differ in their viewpoint of child discipline and how it is to be applied. However, Integrity in discipline is about following God’s instruction in spite of everyone else’s opinions.

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, 

but he who hates correction is stupid.

—Proverbs 12:1 (NIV)

Mark Stinnett

January 19, 2025

No Free Lunch

It is likely that you know someone who has invested in some sort of moneymaking scheme that did not turn out as expected.

Some folks 'invest' in the lottery. Others jump at that opportunity that was ‘too good to be true.’ Still others are looking for that ‘once in a lifetime’ deal.

There are many kinds of ‘get rich quick’ schemes. However, few people actually get rich, fewer still get rich ‘quick.’

Financial advisers talk about steady growth over time...often decades. They advise folks to start saving early in life. They do not advise you to put you money in the high risk, quick turnover kinds of ‘investments.’

Hard work and diligence pay off in the long run. We are really lucky to have such knowledgeable advisers in our day. Their research and observations are valuable.

How did people ever get along without them?

Solomon said, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.” Well, sort of . . . . Actually, Solomon said:

   He who tills his land will have plenty of bread, 
   But he who pursues vain things lacks sense.
   --Proverbs 12:11

Hard work and patience pay off.

Isn’t is refreshing to see that God’s wisdom predates our modern research and observations and knowledge. He has practical advice for our day...
Always has...
Always will...

Be wise. Listen.

No Stupid Children

I would not advise it, but you could try it. The next time your child pushes aside your instruction or rejects your discipline, you could say that they are ‘stupid.’ Again, I would not advise it, but you could, because Solomon wrote,

   Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
   But he who hates reproof is stupid.
   --Proverbs 12:1

We often think of ‘hate’ as a reference to a seething and despicable attitude against something. We should understand that the term ‘rejection,' though seemingly mild, also fits as a synonym. Anyone who ‘rejects’ reproof (verbal correction) is stupid.

The Hebrew word behind the term ‘discipline’ includes all aspects of instruction, including: verbal instruction, demonstration, correction, re-teaching and rebuke. This same Hebrew word also includes all forms of discipline including corporal punishment. Generally, when administered, discipline is not pleasant, but it is for the good of the child. Parents, instruction and discipline are expressions of love for your child.

Instruction and discipline have the goal of instilling godly principles, proper attitudes and good behavior. Parents must instruct and discipline in such a way that their child can recognize the benefit of following instruction and accepting discipline. Harsh words do not make for good instruction. Impulsive discipline will not teach beneficial lessons. Homespun ideas that have little relevance or no basis in reality will teach a child to stop listening.

Instruction and discipline are imperative, yet children need to be trained that instruction and discipline are good for them. They need to be taught the value of loving and desiring instruction and discipline.

To do this parents must ‘tell’ their children the benefits of instruction and discipline in relation to identifiable, real-life, practical examples. In other words, after having given instruction and/or discipline, a parent should be on the lookout for a teachable moment that will illuminate the benefit of previous instruction/discipline. That moment may not be immediate; perhaps days will pass. But watch for that teachable moment.

Do not make the teachable moment an ‘I told you so’ moment. Rather, when the teachable moment arrives, point back to the instruction/discipline and explain the connection. Help them to appreciate the benefit that resulted. (You can sometimes see teachable moments in the behavior of other children.)

Over time you will find there to be less need for discipline and more times when simple instruction is all that is needed...

And your child will not be stupid.

Vent Your Frustration!

Have you ever been around someone who is vexed?

Perhaps you are thinking what I am thinking, “M-a-y-b-e . . . what exactly is ‘vexed’?”

‘Vexation’ is not a commonly used word these days, but it is quite descriptive. It is an ‘anger’ word with an added pinch of mental distress and irritation.



Hannah, the mother of Samuel, was vexed when her husband’s other wife continually tormented her because she was unable to bear a child. When you are vexed your mind is swimming with anger and distress due to something/ someone that has irritated you.


So, have you ever been around someone who is vexed?

You can almost see a cloud over their head; they cannot hide it. They huff and grunt and make a show of their bad mood. You might even hear an announcement, “That really ticked me off!” or “I am so mad I could spit!”

FOOL!

It is not nice to call someone a fool, but...

     A fool's vexation is known at once, 
     But a prudent man conceals dishonor.
                                                         --Proverbs 12:16

Vexation is not necessarily bad if you handle it properly. Perhaps we all become vexed at one time or another. The fool is the person who cannot help but make everyone aware of his‘vexation.’ He vents his frustration, according to the wisdom of our day.

The man or woman of true wisdom is different. Instead of demanding attention and becoming a distraction; instead of venting his/her frustration, the wise person shows patience and self control. He knows how to deal with his difficult circumstances, at least in part, by the preceding proverb:

     The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,
     But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.
                                                                    --Proverbs 12:15

Just be sure to choose your ‘counselor’ carefully if you are vexed. The one who counsels you to be a fool and "vent your vexation" is not giving you wisdom from God.

Be wise.