How Do You Take Correction?

One aspect of love is tolerance. For that reason, a cherished friendship does not dissolve because of a disagreement or hurt feelings. A child may misbehave but parents do not kick the child out of the house. When someone we care about makes a mistake or offends us, we do not end the relationship. Rather, we show tolerance.

Even when tolerance is shown, we may address the mistake or offense. A parent applies correction to a misbehaving child. A good friend will point out a wrong. When you think about it, correction is also an act of love. Both tolerance and correction preserve relationships.

All of us have experienced cases in which we desired tolerance for a shortcoming. At the same time, we have all experienced the need for correction. One of the most important lessons in life is learning how to take correction.

Most people desire correction when they engage in something of great importance. Correction ensures success. However, there is a natural human tendency to reject correction. That may be for the simple reason that correction suggests that I am wrong or inferior in some way.

Some people attempt to justify their wrong. That means that they present an explanation to show that the wrong was actually right. A good example of this is the explanation given by King Saul in 1 Samuel 15. He explained that he had obeyed God when he had only partially obeyed.

Rationalization is another common response to correction. It is an explanation of why a person had to commit the wrong and should not be held accountable. They are indeed wrong, but it wasn’t their fault. Adam and Eve rationalized their sin in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3). They each explained that someone else was responsible for their wrong. Rationalization is also used to explain why “I had no choice” and was forced to do wrong.

Some people simply reject correction as if they are untouchable. This might be seen when someone thinks that their position of authority makes them exempt from correction, such as a king, politician, CEO, parent, etc. The threat of power is used to intimidate anyone who would dare to correct.

Another strategy for dealing with correction is an outburst of anger. The anger deflects the correction making it uncomfortable for the person who is bold enough to challenge. Milder ways of deflecting correction may be open denial of wrong or the silent treatment. Whether by anger, denial or silence, the issue is simply dropped and never addressed.

In great contrast to all these is accepting correction. It requires a measure of humility and a genuine desire to mature and improve. The person who accepts correction takes responsibility for his/her actions.

The way you react to correction tells a great deal about how you regard God. As our spiritual father God disciplines us. No person believes that he/she is truly flawless. So, we all know that correction is reasonable and necessary at times. God disciplines us because He loves us. Discipline, whether simple correction or something stronger is carried out so that we can “share His holiness.” In addition, it produces in us “the peaceful fruit of righteousness.” (Hebrews 12:4-11)

For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light;

And reproofs for discipline are the way of life.

—Proverbs 6:23

The way you have responded to correction from parents, teachers, friends, coworkers, bosses, etc. will likely also reflect your attitude toward God.

Mark Stinnett

November 16, 2025

Discipline with Integrity

I don’t know how well it will work, but I know that it’s right. (I am thinking about discipline as it applies to children in the home.)

My leading statement might not instill great confidence. However, there is a reason for making the statement: Kids make choices. By that, I mean that even perfect parenting will yield varied results. You might remember what God said to one of his prophets: “You shall speak all these words to them, but they will not listen to you; and you shall call to them, but they will not answer you.” (Jeremiah 7:27) Like the people of God at the time of Jeremiah, children do not always listen, even when parents do everything right. Like all humans, children make choices and their independence grows with age.

Parenting is not hopeless, however. There are principles of discipline that should be followed. But first, what is discipline? 

In the Bible, discipline starts with simple instruction. It also includes training by modeling and by hands-on attempts by the child. Discipline also includes verbal correction, rebuke and physical consequences that may range from removing privileges, applying unwanted circumstances, and yes, even spanking. So, discipline is a very broad category.

There are a few principles that apply to all types of discipline in all kinds of circumstances:

• Make no idle threats. Never threaten a consequence that you cannot carry out or that you know you will not carry out. When you lie to your children about discipline, your children will also learn to lie.
• If you agree to something, do it. If you do not keep your word, children learn that it is ok to say things and not really mean what they say. That is simply a lengthy way of describing a lie. Children see through lies.
• If it is morally right in the Bible, then it should be right in your home. Model what is right and demand it in your children.
• If it is morally wrong in the Bible, then it should be wrong in your home. Among other things, the Bible teaches that children are expected to honor and obey their parents, and tell the truth. Parents who do not discipline a child for lying, disobedience and/or dishonor have placed themselves above God. Children will see that their parents do not regard God’s word highly.

The way parents discipline their children will reflect their view of God and His word.

Discipline has two primary goals:

• First, discipline is the means by which a parent keeps a child on the path of righteousness. Much can be learned from the book of Proverbs where discipline is a prominent theme. Ultimately, righteousness leads the child to the cross of Christ where he/she is then encouraged to follow Jesus.
• Second, discipline in the home trains a child to be self-disciplined. A child who has learned self-discipline is far more likely to be happy, creative, successful, and well-adjusted as an adult. A complete lack of discipline promotes instinctive behavior like that found in wild animals.

People differ in their viewpoint of child discipline and how it is to be applied. However, Integrity in discipline is about following God’s instruction in spite of everyone else’s opinions.

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, 

but he who hates correction is stupid.

—Proverbs 12:1 (NIV)

Mark Stinnett

January 19, 2025

Embrace Discipline

My parents disciplined me. As a result, I now exercise self-discipline.

I disciplined my children. Now grown, I expect them to exercise self-discipline.

Did you know that preaching and teaching are forms of discipline?

In the English language we usually reserve the word discipline for stronger kinds of action. We discipline our children by placing them in ‘time-out,’ by restricting privileges, or by imposing unwanted duties or activities. Discipline may include physical discipline as well.

There was a Hebrew word used in the Old Testament, musar, that meant discipline, but had a much broader meaning than our English word. Musar included any kind of correction and for that reason might be translated reprimand, reproach, reprove, rebuke, or chastise. At times musar referred to training. And, a surprise to some, musar also included simple instruction that might be given verbally, in writing, or by demonstration. Musar may come as preaching, teaching, and even in writing, like this article.

As instruction, musar was not merely informative. There was always a purpose and a goal. The purpose of musar was to affect one’s attitude, choices, and behavior.

In our day, discipline is sometimes misunderstood. It is not the same as punishment. The goal of punishment is equity and justice. A person is expected to pay for a crime committed, whether a fine, public service, or imprisonment. Our laws attempt to increase the severity of the payment according to the severity of the crime.

Discipline is not about paying one’s crime debt. Rather, discipline has the purpose of keeping a person on the right path. Ultimately, discipline carried out by parents or others in positions of authority should bring about self-discipline in the one receiving discipline.

Children are not born with self-discipline, but self-ishness. As children mature there should be a diminishing need for parental discipline while self-discipline increases. When adults lack self-discipline in matters of the spirit and morality, it may be necessary for a loving fellow Christian to step in and apply musar.

But let’s face it; in general, we do not like correction. Many shrug off helpful instruction with statements like, “I can figure it out on my own,” or “I don’t need your help.” It is likely that you know someone who politely listens to instruction or correction, and then ignores it and does whatever he/she wishes to do.

You might be thinking that not all instruction and correction comes from a person who cares. True. Also, not all instruction is good instruction. However, here’s the point:

A fool rejects his father’s discipline (musar)

But he who regards reproof is prudent.

—Proverbs 15:5

A fool thinks that musar (instruction, training, correction, discipline) is not necessary. He pushes it aside, sometimes in anger. He may not want the challenge or difficulty of training or the potential humiliation of correction, or he may simply consider himself above discipline.

In great contrast the prudent (wise) person not only accepts discipline of all kinds, he has regard for discipline. That means that he sees value in all kinds of discipline recognizing that it is necessary and also beneficial. The wise person doesn’t just accept discipline, he embraces it. 

What is your attitude toward discipline?

Mark Stinnett

March 17, 2024

Why Should I Discipline My Child?

Because of the instruction I read in the Bible, I am quite confident that the controversy over child discipline did not begin in the 20th century. Nevertheless, questions remain, and far too many parents replace God’s instruction with past experiences as a child, things learned in college, compelling opinions of family, friends and the Internet, and personal opinion.

At its simplest form, discipline is instruction. However, depending on the importance of the instruction and the willingness of the child to learn, instruction might take on other forms.

• Sometimes instruction includes hands-on training in which a child is shown how to do something and then tries to do it.
• When instruction fails, yet a child is being cooperative, correction may be necessary.
• When instruction and simple correction are unsuccessful, a child might need a verbal reprimand or rebuke. This is stronger correction by drawing attention to the child’s mistake or poor attitude. A wise parent will follow rebuke with positive encouragement.

It is wonderful when a child learns with simple verbal instruction, correction and, if necessary, rebuke. However, that is not always the case, as every parent knows. When verbal discipline fails, discipline must be elevated to some kind of physical discipline.

Physical discipline is any form of discipline that changes a child’s physical circumstances. Two broad categories might be considered

1. The removal of privileges or expected benefits, such as:

• Removal of toys;
• No dessert after a meal;
• Reduced phone usage;
• Severely restricted curfew;
• Not attending a social function/event;
• Removal of bedroom door (privacy);
• Restrictions on driving;
• Stop allowance for a specified time.

2. Adding responsibilities or unwanted discomfort, such as:

• Smack the back of the child’s hand;
• Add chores for a specified time;
• Assign a sibling’s responsibilities temporarily;
• Change bedroom arrangement;
• Walk to school (if sensible).

Only a lack of creativity limits physical discipline. And yes, spanking belongs in this category. Spanking, though controversial, is effective when administered properly. A parent must never spank in anger, must only spank as a form of discipline, not punishment, and must provide gentle and loving instruction afterward.

All of these disciplinary forms are rooted in biblical instruction. In the book of Proverbs discipline is stressed in the Hebrew word musar. It included instruction, correction, rebuke, and physical discipline.

The purpose of musar was never that of justice. Rather, musar (discipline) was administered so that a child would walk in the way of God. The purpose of discipline is to keep a child from going his own way, the way of destruction. Discipline is meant to save a child’s soul.

Consider:

He will die for lack of instruction (musar), And in the greatness of his folly he will go astray. 

—Proverbs 5:23

He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines (musar) him diligently. 

—Proverbs 13:24

Why should you discipline your child?

Because you love your child.

Mark Stinnett

February 5, 2023

Correct Me, If I’m Wrong

"Correct me, if I'm wrong," he said.

I'm not always sure if a person is sincere when I hear such a comment. After all, I have attempted to correct someone after hearing such a statement, but it did not turn out as I expected.

Here’s wisdom that applies:

Do not reprove a scoffer, lest he hate you,

Reprove a wise man, and he will love you.

--Proverbs 9:8

Have you ever felt that you needed to correct someone, but you were afraid of how they might react? That’s not uncommon. Many folks are non-confrontational, and with good reason. Relationships have become strained or broken when trying to correct another.

No one wants to face the scoffer when he is corrected. It might result in…

• Anger over being corrected.
• Denial of a problem and complete refusal of correction;
• Accusations cast toward the one correcting;
• Colorful speech in response;
• A dismissive attitude toward the one offering correction;
• Excuses to explain (i.e. justify) the behavior.

Because of the potential reaction of the scoffer, many folks prefer not to engage in the correction of anyone, even a wise man.

Yet, what is the outcome when there is no correction? If a person has done wrong but is not corrected, then there are two lies being told:

• The one who is in the wrong, but refuses correction, behaves as if everything is fine when it is not.
• The one who refrains from correcting another has hidden the truth out of fear.

Both lies avoid reality.

Solomon gives us insight into the possible outcome of correcting another person. However, we should not assume one thing or another. A gentle revelation of the truth with wise words may reveal a scoffer or a wise man. Either way, you have done right by not hiding the truth.

If you have revealed a scoffer, follow Solomon's advice and avoid correcting him/her in the future. Also remember, even wise men may not enjoy being corrected at first. It might take some time for the wise man to come around. So, don’t be too quick to judge.

Here are a couple of verses of Scripture that may help to encourage correction:

All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.

—2 Timothy 3:16-17

My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.

—James 5:19-20

Always approach correction with the right attitude. Correction is not for gloating, setting the record straight or standing in judgment. Correction is for the benefit of another’s soul.

Also, when you are on the receiving end, i.e. the one being corrected, stop talking and listen. It might be that you ARE wrong. It might be that you NEED correction...for the good of your soul.

Be humble.

Be courageous.

Be wise.

Mark Stinnett

October 23, 2022

How Important Are Consequences?

Children are not reasonable people.

That might be one of the reasons we have laughed at “Calvin and Hobbes,” “Peanuts,” “The Family Circus,” “Baby Blues” and other comic strips featuring children.

The younger the child, the more likely they are to have a complete lack of understanding of consequences. They lack life experience, understanding and knowledge. For that reason children are vulnerable to many dangers. For example, they do not recognize the consequences of touching a hot stove or sticking a metal object in an electrical outlet. While entertaining in the comic strips, the consequences of real life are often much more serious and sometimes painfully lasting.

Parents struggle with the task of instructing, training, and disciplining their children so that they will be able to avoid physical dangers in life. Parents also teach their children how to avoid financial pitfalls, academic failure, and common health problems. These are all necessary lessons. Yet, as Christians we must never rest from providing our children moral and spiritual training.

A significant part of moral and spiritual training is that of teaching consequences. Oftentimes, spiritual and moral offenses are not followed by immediate consequences. So, parents must apply consequences. Otherwise, their children will grow up spiritually immature and unable to see the ultimate consequences of their moral and spiritual choices.

At the end of a lengthy admonition to his son regarding the adulteress, Solomon considered the future of the one who had not listened to instruction. In the end, the young man's life was destroyed because he had wasted his energy and forfeited his possessions to strangers. Awakened by the reality of the moment, the young man cried out:

How I have hated instruction,
And my heart despised correction!
--Proverbs 5:12 (NKJV)

After experiencing devastating consequences, the eyes of the young man were opened to reality. Instruction and correction had not failed, but only after reaping the consequences of his poor attitude and rebellious behavior did the young man realize that he had failed.

The Bible, God’s revelation to mankind, allows us to peer into the future and learn the consequences of our choices. Many of the teachings in the Proverbs apply directly to our physical lives in the here and now. Yet, the overall message of scripture deals with spiritual life and spiritual consequences reaching into the afterlife.

The simple point is this: Instruction has already been revealed. Correction has already been written. God still disciplines his children today. (See Hebrews 12:4-10.) So, listen and follow God’s instruction NOW. At times of failure, when God corrects you through His word, listen and follow!

Experience may be the best teacher in some areas of life. However, no one wants experience to teach them that they hated instruction and despised correction. The eternal consequences are devastating and irreversible.

Be wise, now.
Consequently, live.


Mark Stinnett

June 13, 2021

Wounds and Kisses in 'Opposite World'

Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.
--Proverbs 27:6

How would you explain this proverb to a child? It seems to be from a kind of 'opposite world.' Friends would not hurt each other; enemies do not kiss.

Two New Testament events provide visual examples for this verse.

First, the Apostle Paul opposed the Apostle Peter (Cephas) on one occasion when they were in the city of Antioch. Peter and some other Jewish Christians stood apart from the Gentile Christians and made a distinction. Paul explained that Peter “stood condemned.” He rebuked him openly because of his hypocrisy. (Read about this event in Galatians 2:11-14.)

Though public opposition is never pleasant, Paul acted in the best interest of Peter and others who joined in his hypocrisy. Peter’s soul was in danger and Paul came to his aid, through rebuke.

Near the end of the New Testament are two short books authored by the Apostle Peter. They were most likely written after the occasion in Antioch. So, it is apparent the Peter did not continue in his hypocrisy. The wounds of his fellow Christian were beneficial.

On the surface it probably appeared that Paul was against Peter. Yet, he acted as a friend to Peter by correcting him. Even though it was open rebuke, unpleasant to Peter, and most likely embarrassing, the wounds of the friend proved to be faithful.

The later half of the proverb is well illustrated by the Apostle Judas. Not often is the title 'Apostle' used with Judas. The reason, no doubt, is because we remember Judas for his actions as a traitor to Jesus. His final act of deceit was that of identifying Jesus by a kiss. This had been planned earlier so the soldiers would know with certainty which man to arrest.

In general, people refrain from outward signs of affection toward those they don't get along with. And that is especially true when it comes to enemies!

A kiss is a sign of acceptance and affection. It is reserved for family and close friends. Even when a kiss is a part of a greeting (as in some foreign countries), it symbolizes some level of acceptance.

If you were alone with an enemy would you kiss him/her?

Of course not!

So, why, then, would a person kiss an enemy?

Solomon cut through to reality: the kiss of an enemy must be understood to be deceitful. The kiss is for show; it mocks reality in hopes of fooling those who may be watching. The kiss presents one impression while the truth is cleverly hidden by the false affection.

So, what can we learn from this proverb and these New Testament examples?

• We live in a society that loves and expects tolerance; that preaches that you should never hurt anyone. However, if a friend's soul is in danger, you will be a faithful friend if you point out their error, even if it means that you wound them in some way. So, be the friend who is loyal to the point of wounding another to save them.
• If you are wounded by a friend, accept the pain of the correction. It is for your good. Count your friend as a true and loyal friend who was willing to risk your friendship for your benefit.
• Finally, never use affection as a smoke screen to deceive others...
• But be aware that others do.

Be wise.

I Was Only Trying to Help...

There are those kinds of people that really are difficult to deal with. You cannot suggest anything, they already ‘know’ what to do. You cannot discuss things with them, their minds are made up. And if you should ever try to help by offering correction, “Watch Out!” They will lash back at you as if you are the one who needs correction.

If you are not expecting that type of reaction, it can really take you by surprise. If you have the presence of mind not to strike back, you might feel a hurt and feel uncertain as to what to do next.

One of the greatest values of the Proverbs is that of teaching us about the brutal realities of life. Solomon often makes simple observations that will help us to face life with greater understanding so that we are not surprised, and so that others do not take unfair advantage of us. His teachings help us to move forward in life with our heads held high. He helps us to face life's challenges by 'toughening us up' mentally and emotionally.

   He who corrects a scoffer gets dishonor for himself, 
   And he who reproves a wicked man gets insults for himself.
   --Proverbs 9:7

This is the kind of proverb that presents a true observation about life. It is a, “Brace yourself,” kind of advisory. It is reality!

The word ‘correct’ is literally an emphatic ‘sternly correct.’ In the Hebrew Old Testament it often describes discipline. The term ‘reprove’ is similar, but refers more to verbal correction.

As far as the scoffer and the wicked are concerned, they already ‘know.’ So they reject instruction and correction. You do not tell them, they will tell you. They have made choices in life and are set in their ways. You could say that they have set their path ‘in stone.’

So, when the scoffer dishonors you, or the wicked person insults you, don't fall apart. Don't cry about it. Understand that God already knows about the scoffer. God has warned us of the brutal reality of the scoffer through Solomon's writings. Recognize the scoffer and the wicked man for who they are. You are not judging them, but rather making a simple identification based the way they choose to express their character. So, take this wise insight and stand up straight. Do what is right, and move forward without fighting, without crying,  and without feeling badly.

And read the next two verses...
Really...God reveals something more...
So, get your Bible...right now...and...
Read two more verses...

"Musar"

We were in elementary school but the memory is still quite vivid. I won’t say what she did, but my older sister was in big trouble and dad was on a rampage.
(I probably tattled . . . can’t remember.)

The old saying goes, “Experience is the best teacher,” but I disagree. 'I' learned from her mistake. She received correction and discipline and I received valuable instruction. That was definitely the best way to learn.

There is a beautiful Hebrew word used a number of times in the Proverbs. Its meaning has a connection to my learning experience. Though there were two of us, three if you count dad, there was instruction and correction and discipline all at the same time. The Hebrew word ‘musar’ means instruction and correction and discipline all at the same time. (Though not smooth English, we might consider 'instructive discipline' or 'disciplinary instruction' as descriptive translations of 'musar.')

Parents sometimes forget the purpose of discipline. It is not to get even or punish (administer justice), but to provide instruction. In scripture instruction has the purpose of providing discipline, that is, self-discipline.

   A wise son accepts his father's discipline, 
   But a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.
                                                          --Proverbs 13:1

‘Discipline’ in this verse is the Hebrew word musar. It includes the simple instruction that comes when a father tells or shows his child how something works or when he explains right and wrong in life. Ideally instruction is accepted by the child who then adjusts his attitude and behavior accordingly: self-discipline. If the outcome is imperfect the father may choose to correct; still a part of musar. Where instruction and correction are rejected by the child, discipline follows, still a part of musar.

An excellent present-day illustration of musar is found in coaching. Coaches give verbal instruction, apply hands-on training, give correction, and require physical discipline. In extreme cases they will ‘bench’ a player or kick the player off the team for misconduct, each a form of discipline. Instruction, training, correction, discipline: musar. Each element of the coach's training program is singular in purpose, to make the athlete excel in competition.

In the same way that I learned from my sister’s discipline, God wanted Israel to learn from discipline, that is, the discipline they had received from God in their past: musar.
(Read about this in Deuteronomy 11:2-9.)

The general purpose of musar in Proverbs is to equip the child to excel in life. More specifically, it is to equip the child for life before God.

When the Apostle Paul instructed Christian fathers concerning their children to "bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4), he was bringing forward the Hebrew concept of musar.

Do not think this that is a nice little Hebrew word study...this is about life!

Parents, be wise. Apply musar.
Children, be wise. Love musar.

Musar is life.