Is Behavioral Change Enough?

When a child misbehaves, a parent might give immediate correction, “Stop that.” The abrupt correction specifically targets behavior.

Of course, good discipline does not simply involve the mere change of behavior. Rather, good discipline targets the heart. Any parent knows that a change of heart will result in changed behavior. Yet, the converse is not always true. Changed behavior does not always result in a change of heart.

When a parent exclaims, “You need to change your face,” what is the real goal? Is the parent satisfied with a hypocritical grin pasted on the face of a child with a devious heart? Of course not! The heart is the real target.

When a parent exclaims, “You know better than to do that,” what is the expectation? Isn’t it an appeal to the mind and heart of the child, expecting him to remember the values and standard he has been taught?

Changed behavior offers the parent immediate satisfaction. Yet, changed behavior can be the result of terrible parenting. Parents that communicate primarily by yelling may get the behavioral results they want (in the moment), but such poor communication will be unable to sustain good behavior in a child. In addition, it is unlikely that the child will learn how to communicate properly. And we all know that good communication is vital in and out of the home.

Changed behavior can also be achieved by harsh discipline. I am thinking about discipline that doesn’t fit the offense, discipline carried out when the parent is angry, discipline accompanied by teasing or humiliation, or physical discipline that goes too far. Harsh discipline is likely to lead to anger in the child. Do you remember Paul’s instruction?

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. 

 —Ephesians 6:4

Good discipline requires consequences and conversation. The younger the child, the more important the consequences. The older the child, the more important the instructional conversation. Smaller children do not have mature reasoning capabilities. They simply want to avoid pain regardless of their understanding of right and wrong. With maturity comes a greater ability to reason with the heart. With maturity a parental appeal can be made to the values within the heart of the child.

When a parent knows that their child is in agreement with good values and God’s standard, and that their child tries to do good, yet occasionally does not meet expectations, patience is shown. Yet, if the child is disagreeable and rebellious, consequences are warranted. Again, the emphasis is a child’s heart.

The goal of discipline is to develop a child’s perceptions that affect attitudes and decisions, and consequently, behavior and communication. Of course, the values and standard that are to be instilled in a child are found in the Bible. And the goal of discipline will only be met if parents follow those same values and standard.

Solomon instructed his son:

Let your father and mother be glad,
And let her rejoice who gave birth to you.
—Proverbs 23:25

Parents, until your children are old enough to embrace this teaching on their own, it is your responsibility to instill it, not by forced behavioral change, but by developing the heart of the child through good instruction and discipline.


Mark Stinnett

January 17, 2021