It’s Not Fathers’ Day (But You’re Still the Dad) (Pt. 2)

Part 2: Disciplinarian

Who was the primary disciplinarian in your home when growing up? Parents, who is the primary disciplinarian in your home now? Would it surprise you to learn that the Bible designates the father as the primary disciplinarian in the home?

The Apostle Paul echoes many teachings from the book of Proverbs in a short admonition to fathers:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. 

--Ephesians 6:4

It would be erroneous to take this verse out of context and reason that mothers are not responsible for discipline or instruction. Yet, the simple truth is that the primary responsibility falls to fathers.

Some fathers might be tempted to delegate disciplinary responsibility to the mother. It is wise to remember that head, or leader, is not the same as dictator. A man must never simply hand off his responsibility as father. Translation: Man Up! Don’t wimp out on your God-given role as dad.

Discipline and instruction are separate ideas but related. Discipline is more about actions while instruction has more to do with the mind and attitude. Instruction promotes self-discipline. Yet, when simple instruction fails, a parent must take the next step: correction. In general, correction is verbal, a reminder of past instruction. It may also come with a warning of future consequences if instruction is not followed.

While instruction and correction are more verbal, there is also the need for training. Training is a positive form of discipline that involves verbal instruction and demonstration, as well as application on the part of the child. Training involves telling them, showing them, and then letting them try. Additional instruction and correction, along with parental patience, are important for successful training.

Discipline is necessary when a child demonstrates a poor attitude at some level of instruction. It is best thought of as a part of instruction and training, not punishment. Discipline has a positive goal of changing a child's attitude and behavior. It may call for extreme measures which include corporal punishment, i.e. spanking or other physical consequences. It should not be assumed that this is the first discipline option in all cases, nor is it always the most appropriate.

Fathers, you set the tone for discipline and instruction in your home. You must communicate with your wife about the discipline and instruction of your children. While your wife is deeply involved with the children, you lead the way. You provide direction in the values and behaviors that are important for your children.

Do not abandon your wife and place the burden of discipline solely (or mostly) on her shoulders. There ARE times when it is appropriate for your wife to be able to say to a child, “Wait until your father gets home!” It is your job to rescue your wife when she is exasperated with the children. You must deal with the most difficult situations. You are the one to make the hard decisions. God has given this responsibility to YOU, the dad.

Intimidating? Perhaps. Yet, the book of Proverbs is a tremendous resource for learning to be a good father and disciplinarian. Treat it like an instruction manual. If you haven’t read it lately, start TODAY!

Mark Stinnett

May 11, 2025