Discipline Isn't a Warm Fuzzy

Whether it is the discipline of a child, self-discipline, or even church discipline, it is not supposed to be fun. Discipline is not a warm fuzzy. And yet, in our day tolerance is king and we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I prefer to be tolerant. I was never excited about disciplining my own children. I never relished the thought of the next discipline event. Sometimes the discipline of my children was also painful to my wife and me. And yet…

Near the end of the book of Hebrews is an illuminating passage about discipline (12:4-11). Discipline in the home is used as an illustration to help us understand God’s discipline. Read that passage and then consider these observations.

We respect our earthly fathers for disciplining us (v. 9). Not everyone has had parents who disciplined in a good, constructive way. Television documentaries on ‘corporal punishment’ have consistently highlighted parents who were harsh, short-tempered, and who publicly humiliated their children. I think I know why we never saw good examples of discipline in the home in the documentaries. Discipline is intimate. In other words, it is a personal and private matter. Parents must not discipline in anger and must discipline in a way that fits the offense. They must ensure understanding before the disciplinary action is carried out. And they must show their love and acceptance afterward. That is part of the reason that we respect our fathers for disciplining us.

Discipline is to be expected because it is for good. Solomon has many things to say about discipline in the book of Proverbs. Many people reject his teachings because of his strong wording. However, the simple point is that proper discipline demonstrates love. The absence of discipline is a sign of the absence of love.

Discipline is not joyful in the moment, and that is true of every kind of discipline. Yet it has a purpose of making a person better. Of spiritual discipline God says that…

He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness (v. 10).

To those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness (v. 11).

In Peter’s list of Christian attributes are self-control and endurance (2 Peter 1:6). Self-control is the discipline of stopping. Stop talking to avoid gossip. Stop listening to avoid being a busybody. Stop anger before it becomes sin. Stop looking to avoid lust. Stop longing to avoid covetousness. In general, we need to stop before we give in to temptation and sin. Discipline is the opposite of temptation (James 1:14).

Endurance is the discipline of continuing. It is forgiving yet again, serving when you are tired, loving the unlovable. It is enduring the trials of life. It is doing good and continuing in righteousness when there seems to be no positive result and those around you prosper in sin.

Discipline is rooted in faith and hope. It is faith in God’s word realizing that you are not missing out on anything of significance when you do not possess all the things you wish or participate in all the activities you like. It is steadfastness when there is nothing in the present to validate your faith. Discipline makes sense when you keep your focus on the future promises of God.

Discipline yourself (and your children) so God doesn’t have to. 

Don’t give in to the fuzzy illusion of tolerance.

Mark Stinnett

January 7, 2024