It’s Not Fathers’ Day (But You’re Still the Dad) (Pt. 5)

Part 5: Honor

God has assigned the primary role of leadership and discipline in the home to fathers. The last few blogs have focused on the text of Ephesians 6:4. Prior to that instruction (verses 1-3), the Apostle Paul addressed children:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother...that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.

Many years ago, when my children were small, it occurred to me that this instruction could not possibly be directed at very young children; they cannot read! I reasoned that as parents, my wife and I had the initial responsibility to teach our children to “honor your father and mother.”

How do you teach honor??

It is likely that you have been touched by stories or news clips in which honor was shown to someone in our military. It might have been a crowd of people gathering to celebrate a soldier returning home from duty. It might have been the moment when the solemn silence at a funeral of a fallen hero is broken by the eruption of the 21-gun salute and the mournful call of the bugle playing Taps. Or perhaps you have witnessed a small child standing at attention to salute a soldier in uniform. Honor.

A father instructs his son regarding our nation’s flag. He teaches the meaning of the stars and the stripes. He remembers aloud those who have sacrificed so much for the freedom it symbolizes.

A mother tells her children about their two grandfathers who served in the military. She displays pictures of the men in uniform as she relates stories which had been told her. She shows her children the folded flags displayed on the mantle to honor the service of each man.

A schoolteacher teaches, not merely the words, but the meaning of the Pledge of Allegiance.

There are many ways to illustrate honor for our country and those in uniform. The common element in all of these is value. Honor is given to people and things that we greatly value. Our value is evident by the way we speak and how we show respect. We draw special attention to the things and people we value. We commit ourselves in loyalty and service to the objects of our honor. We protest and even punish dishonor of any kind.

Dads, value your wife and demand that your children cherish and value their mother. Moms, value your husband and demand that your children value and respect their father.

Value godly character in your home. Tell your children: This is how we act. This is how we speak. This is what we say. This is who we are. Then, be sure to demonstrate those same godly values.

Are you loyal to God? Do you value His word? Do you honor His people? Do you value spiritual ideals? Demonstrate these in your own life and expect these in your children.

One of the most important ways to teach honor is to teach obedience. Disobedience is nothing other than dishonor. Yet, obedience honors parents and honors God. A wise parent will discipline disobedience and dishonor.

Finally, when your children honor you, even if you do not feel deserving, accept the honor. In doing so, you allow them to fulfill God’s instruction to honor father and mother. Honor is good. Honor is right. Model and teach honor!

Mark Stinnett

June 1, 2025

Disobedience to Parents: Why is Sin Sinful?

Because I was the preacher, the request came to me. A grandmother requested that someone visit her grandson who was in the county jail.

He had committed a crime. And yet, no one faulted that grandmother for her love and concern for her grandson. Even though he was in jail, and she was not blind to his crime, she did not want to characterize him in any other way.: “He’s a good boy,” she said.

Sometimes parental love casts a veil over the eyes. Some parents do not see their children through the lens of reality. Regardless of what they do or say, the parent overlooks or minimizes their children’s bad attitudes and behavior.

I know of no parents who want to admit that their children do wrong as they grow older. I’d rather address this subject in general terms by saying, We all know it’s true; we are all sinners. (That includes my kids without naming them.)

Parents of younger children need to take notice. There will be a time at which each of your children will be old enough to be held personally accountable to God for his/her sin. So, as much as we do not like to think about it, we need to think about it. Our kids grow up to be sinners.

Solomon encouraged his sons over and over to listen! For example:

Hear, my son, your father’s instruction And do not forsake your mother’s teaching.

—Proverbs 1:8

Listen to your father who begot you, And do not despise your mother when she is old. 

 —Proverbs 23:22

Turning to the New Testament we find:

Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.

—Colossians 3:20 (See also Ephesians 6:1.)

With these and many other positive teachings comes a strong admonition from the Apostle Paul. He reminded parents and children that disobedience to parents is an ungodly behavior that will result in God’s wrathful judgment. (Romans 1:30 and 2 Timothy 3:2).

Consistent disobedience in a child is a sign that God’s authority structure in the home is misunderstood or simply not honored. In too many homes, far too many Christian homes, children are allowed to dictate the terms of obedience. Through temper tantrums, angry attitudes, disrespect, whining, and manipulative techniques children turn the tables making their parents obedient to them.

And yet, it is reasonable for children to be obedient to their parents:

• Parents are better positioned (job, finances) to provide for their children’s needs.
• Parents are better equipped physically to care for their children.
• Parents are smarter (at least for a while).
• Parents are more experienced in life.

Aside from simple reasoning we must understand that God designed the home and assigned parents authority over their children.

When God’s authority structure is followed children learn how to respect authority (another of God’s expectations). But of utmost importance, children learn to honor God’s authority.

Why is disobedience to parents sinful?

When children are disobedient to their parents they have taken authority away from their parents. Both children and parents are living a lie against reality. By not upholding God’s authority structure in the home they have disregard God and His divine authority.

Mark Stinnett

March 19, 2023

Disobedience Never Changes Reality

My friend just couldn't bring herself to apply physical discipline to her children (spanking). She equated spanking with 'hitting' and "no one should ever hit anyone." Another friend struggled with the biblical concept of forgiveness thinking that it might give a person the idea that sin was ok. I once read a comment posted by a fellow on social media who justified his infidelity by saying, “there is no way that Jesus kept himself sexually pure.”

The examples are endless of people who waiver in obeying God's word unless they can understand by using their personal reasoning or experience. However, just because they do not understand does not mean that God's instruction is without value or incorrect.

In the 1990's the Ukrainian government saw value in introducing common Christians values from the Bible into its school curriculum. They recognized that moral teaching from the Bible would promote a better society. The reality is that God has provided instruction that is beneficial to people whether they see the wisdom in it or not; whether they believe in Jesus or not.

In the 119th Psalm King David wrote of his love for God's word saying that he meditated on the Law of God. He observed:

Your commandments make me wiser than my enemies;
I have more insight than all my teachers;
I understand more than the aged.

He was not boasting in himself, but expressing the timeless truth of God's word. He saw that by observing God's word he surpassed those who were generally considered wiser and more experienced.

In my youth I vividly remember preachers pounding the pulpit: "God said it; I believe it; that settles it." "You don't have to understand; just obey." While at some level that is true, God has given considerable explanation so that we CAN understand why He gave His instruction. There are many examples in Scripture of people who obeyed and who disobeyed, each providing more reasoning for following God's instruction. If there is any conclusion to be drawn it is that God desires us to understand. Yet, simple obedience without understanding is far better than disobedience because of a lack of understanding.

The thing to remember when you do not understand God’s instruction is that God has never been arbitrary. He is not playing games with mankind. Behind His instruction is purpose and reason. After all, He IS the creator of this stuff we call 'human.' He designed us; He knows us; He knows what is best for us. AND He loves us. So, even when we cannot see behind the curtain of understanding, disobedience is never justified by our lack of understanding. Disobedience never changes reality.

Blessed are those who find wisdom,
    those who gain understanding,
For she is more profitable than silver
    and yields better returns than gold.
She is more precious than rubies;
    nothing you desire can compare with her.
—Proverbs 3:13–15 (NIV)

We ought to strive for understanding. Yet, when we have unanswered questions regarding God’s word, we must trust. He truly knows what is best and supplies every need.

Mark Stinnett

November 1, 2020

How to Shame Your Mother

I’m in the local grocery store after work. My guess is that the other folks in the store are, like me, picking up something for supper. We are not rushing, but we are all in a hurry. Pleasant half-grins as we pass each other in the aisles.

Then it happens; the ear-spitting scream that awakens all of us from our after-work humdrum procession. One aisle over a little 30-inch monster has just cut loose on her mother, screaming for an item she passed by.

I want to throttle the little angel (and then exit quickly). I come around the display at the end of the aisle and enter the aisle of terror.

'Mom' looks like a bomb blew up in her face, a kind of deranged look: frizzled hair, face reddened from embarrassment, eyes about to burst with tears, or just burst. Still wanting to throttle the...
I want to offer to help, but do what?

This wasn’t the first time and it won’t be the last. She is lost in her moment of misery and a kind hug with, “It’ll be all right,” would be a lie.

Sure, kids eventually quit screaming. But only because their voices change and they learn to speak. Then their rebellion takes on a different sound and look. It is foolish to think that the rebellious nature of a child somehow just vanishes over time.

I have never heard anyone bemoan the fact that they had applied proper discipline to their child. My heart is heavy from time to time when I see Christians, believers who claim to honor God and hold to his divine instruction, yet who allow rebellion and disobedience in their home. I wonder why some Christians fail to embrace God’s teaching on the discipline of children. I can assure you that I am not being judgmental. The behavior is out in the open for all to see: open rebellion, open defiance, blatant disobedience; yet no form of discipline follows. If parents wait until ‘experience’ teaches the lesson, it will be far too late.

   The rod and reproof give wisdom, 
   But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.
   --Proverbs 29:15

The ‘rod’ refers to discipline of a physical nature. ‘Reproof’ refers to discipline of a verbal nature.

Years ago a friend of mine quipped, as we both watched his son disobey, "I was just like that when I was his age...but I turned out ok."

Assuming that my friend really was 'OK' (morally, spiritually), who would think that it was his undisciplined disobedience that made him OK? Rather, it would seem that something or someone had intervened to turned him around. A lack of discipline does not breed discipline; disobedience does not produce obedience. A child who gets his own way..."brings shame to his mother."

May God grant Christian parents the courage to...Believe!


Mark Stinnett