How Do You Teach a Child Mercy?

We live at a time when the tolerance of ideas different from your own is promoted. Along with that is the tolerance of behaviors, values and beliefs that are different from your own. I remember a time when I personally benefitted from a tolerant boss. My mistake cost our organization several hundred dollars, but my boss did not make me pay for my mistake.

This has all made me think about mercy in the Bible. Is mercy the same as tolerance?

I found out that it is not. In the Bible we see God’s mercy when something wrong was done. For justice to be served, there should be consequences. Yet, mercy is shown when the person does not have to bear the consequences. He does not receive the justice he deserves.

When I made my costly mistake, a natural consequence might have been repayment, suspension or termination. My boss showed mercy by not making me pay the consequences.

So, how was that different from tolerance? Well, actually it was tolerant, but there was more. My boss had a conversation with me about my mistake and how I could avoid the same mistake in the future. In other words, the mistake was a real mistake. It mattered. There were real consequences, but I was personally shown mercy by not having to pay the consequences.

By itself, tolerance is not mercy. Tolerance ignores justice saying, “I accept you, stay as you are.” Tolerance is about acceptance. Mercy is about justice.

Children often misunderstand justice. When they do something wrong and need discipline, they interpret the discipline in terms of acceptance. A parent removes a privilege or introduces something unpleasant as discipline. Then the child thinks he is not accepted and not loved.

Parents must understand the difference between tolerance and mercy; the difference between acceptance and justice. When we turn to Scripture we never see God tolerating sin. He has been tolerant of mankind, but ultimately justice will be served. (Hebrews 10:30)

Some people would say that God’s justice is intolerant. The really crazy thing is that God’s demand for justice for mankind was shown through His love for mankind. Every person has sinned against God which has resulted in a sin-debt. Yet, God loved us so much that he volunteered to pay our sin-debt for us by sacrificing His own Son. That was justice and mercy in the same sacrificial act. So, justice was served through a loving act of mercy.

Teach a child tolerance by ignoring wrongdoing, or by making excuses for them when they have wronged another person. Let them think that doing wrong does not matter or that there is no real right and wrong. (I accept you. Stay as you are.)

Teach a child mercy by first being consistent in discipline. Teach a standard of right and wrong and based on the character of God. (Check out Exodus 34:6-7.) Mercy is shown when you choose to not apply consequences after a wrong has been done. However, mercy is taught only if the child is truly sorry for their wrong and if you communicate carefully that the wrong is still wrong. Your child must be old enough to understand the concepts of justice, consequences and sorrow (even is those are not the words they might choose). You teach mercy best when you are the one your child has hurt by doing wrong.

You can teach mercy only if you have learned to show mercy and not just tolerance.

Tolerance alone instills the heart of Satan; 

but mercy, the heart of God.


Mark Stinnett

December 20, 2020